Thursday, December 31, 2009

The Good, The Bad and The Ugly

2009 is swiftly coming to a close and in my opinion it can't happen fast enough. In all of my 36 years I would have to say that this year has been the worst. It hasn't been all bad but it seems like it was. Here is my short list:

The Good:
Losing 12 pounds
Getting to see old friends this summer and reconnecting with them
Going to Scrapbook Camp twice with my sisters and good friends
Seeing the progress in Owen's speech
Being able to spend quality time with my family
Going to see Def Leppard with one of my oldest dearest friends
Blogging for the first time and finding new people who share interests with me
Paying off some bills
Learning that I am stronger than I thought and can handle things myself

The Bad:
Losing three girlfriends from high school to Breast Cancer this year
Putting my cat to sleep after 13 years of loyal service
Having problems with my eyes and having to spend about $500 on visits and drops
Homework headaches all year with my 8 year old and being frustrated trying to get him to remember to bring things home every day.


The Ugly:
The complete deterioration of my marriage. I really do not think that anything can repair the damage that has been done or change my mind about how I feel.
A 10 year friendship that came to a complete and abrupt end. I have blogged about this before and sometimes I am over it but still am very sad about it.
Finding that people who you thought you could trust with your feelings and personal information are not the people you thought they were and were just using you for personal gain or their own amusement


I know there are only a few things on my Ugly list but those things consumed most of my year and were the reason this year was so bad. All I can hope is that the changes I am trying to make in my life start working and that the people I know I can depend on will always be there.

Thursday, December 24, 2009

Merry Christmas

It's Christmas Eve already. I am still at work for a couple more hours then the craziness starts. I have pretty much all my presents to wrap still since I was working so fervently to get the quilt done for my mom.

Over the next few days we will all be partaking in lots of food, family, and presents. We have three different places to go over the next three days, I know that it can get crazy and hectic going from place to place (like we always do) and sometimes we are more concerned that everything is going just so and not just sit and enjoy.

The one thing I truly enjoy about Christmas is seeing everything through my boy's eyes. This year should be especially fun since Owen is two and really getting into Christmas. They are getting so excited and we are going to bake some cookies for Santa this afternoon and just hang out.

I hope everyone has a truly Blessed Christmas and enjoys the time spent with family!

Monday, December 21, 2009

A Lesson in Giving



I always wonder what my parents did to raise three very giving considerate children. Really, not to toot my own horn but somehow they imparted on us the desire to do for others and that giving is truly better than receiving




 The stuff for the 15 year old girl


 Somewhere in the last month my adorable, sweet, 8 year old has turned into somewhat of a brat. It's probably no fault of his own because as the first child/grandchild he has been indulged most of his life. Now that isn't to say that he gets what he wants all the time. We only really buy toys and new stuff at Christmas and birthdays. When he wants something new I usually have him use his own money, or match it if he works for it.

I had finally had it one weekend when for the 100th million time I had to hear how BORED he was and there was nothing to do. I gave him my general lecture about how lucky he was to have all he has and blah blah, and his eyes glazed over like they usually do when I go on for more than three minutes.


I decided that he needed to see, feel, get a tangible idea of what it was to not have and to give to others. At work we did an Angel tree this year. Children who were in Foster care in our county. I chose a 15 year old girl and then I chose an 8 year old boy for him. I explained to him in great deal what Foster care was, and how this boy was one of four siblings and that he would not be with his parents and may not even be with his siblings for Christmas. We talked about it and he took $20 of his own money and we went shopping. I matched him and with some planning and store coupons we were able to get him a DS game, clothes and a book. He helped me wrap it all and seemed to finally get it. That he doesn't have to worry about any of that and we need to think of others at this time of year.

Yesterday we went to Walmart and the Salvation Army bell ringers were out. I asked him if he wanted to put the money in and handed him a single. He looked at me and said "Mom, don't we have a $5 we can give?" We did just that.

Thursday, December 17, 2009

Homework Headaches

Just for the record, on a normal day my 8 year old is pretty great. He usually listens, and helps out, he plays with his little brother, and brings home his Homework folder.

Lately we have been having ZERO normal days. Nothing much has changed, but he keeps forgetting his folder. Twice this month we have had to go back to school to get his glasses. He doesn't take his work/papers out of his bag and gvie them to the teacher (even though she asks for them)

His dad and I are trying to come up with some kind of plan. Yelling doesn't work, we don't want him to feel bad but he needs to start learning responsibility. I am opposed to any kind of reward chart for this type of issue. He shouldn't be rewarded for something that is expected.

He has been writing sentences, but that too is getting old. Finally the other day I went to talk to his teacher, just to make sure there wasn't anything significant missing. Luckily there wasn't but she did say she is having trouble with him and most of the class following directions. (we have that issue at home lately too) She talked about homework detention after school, which is not good since I work till about 5 or 6 and his dad would have to leave work also. The next day his dad took him to school, and they decided he would miss recess and do his homework that he didn't turn in, and at home he would lose TV and Computer privileges that night and the next morning.

Guess what? He brought everything home yesterday! Let's just see how today goes.

Monday, December 7, 2009

A Mishmash of Info

So when I started reading all the updates I realized how far behind I am again. A variety things have kept me busy, none of the terribly important enough to not blog.

Thanksgiving was fine. Since I worked late the night before and had to work the next day I cooked. My in-laws came up to our house and it was a quiet day. Owen decided to be a monster when he woke up from his nap but other than that not too bad.

I did a little shopping Black Friday but I waited until about 8:30 to go anywhere and it was fine. My big score was going to Michael's on my lunch and getting Cricut cartridges for 28.88. They had them marked for 35.00 but if you mentioned Joann's was selling them for less they price matched. I got six of them. Merry Christmas to me!

Disclaimer: Any men may want to skip this next paragraph
I went for my yearly and turns out since having a C-section two years ago I am having problems. I have what is called Adenomyosis and am taking hormones to suppress my cycle for the next three months. After that another internal ultrasound to see if they need to do a Laproscopy and "fix some things" Yeah!

OK Men can read now

I had a great weekend. Went to my parents on Saturday and spent the day there. My mom, sister and I took the kids shopping a little while. The boys baked cookies with Grandma and I vegged out! The next morning we went to my other Sisters friends house and she took pictures of our kids for Christmas. We got about three good pictures before Owen abandoned ship and could not be lured back.

After that we had a surprise 50th Birthday party for my aunt. She is going to be on a cruise on her actual birthday later this month so her kids decided to do it now. It was great fun, she was really surprised and it was great seeing family! We then took the kids to see my Grandpa who loved having us drop in and then drove 2 hours back home!

I now have realized that we only have 18 days till Christmas and I have too much to do!

Sunday, November 29, 2009

New Moon

OK, so typically I don't really swoon like a girl even though I am one. Once upon a time in my teenage years, I would cry over a Chicago song or long for a boy who didn't know I existed but since joining adulthood I just don't get that way.

UNTIL NOW

I really don't know what it is about these books and movies. My sisters were reading the books last year and I thought they sounded good. I always like a good vampire story (so far Gary Oldman had been my favorite Dracula) Something about me liking being kissed on the neck makes me crazy for vampires (Angel)

So I read Twilight first, then saw the movie. I went by myself and was engrossed the whole movie. I am a HUGE stickler for reading the book first and really critiquing a movie for not capturing all the key points but Twilight was great. I immediately read the other three and my girlfriends and I have been salivating if you will about New Moon coming out. I was at a scrapbook retreat last weekend , then the holiday so today I made up my mind and while the little one was napping I went.

IT WAS SO GOOD! The place was still packed over a week later and even though I was surrounded by teenage girls tittering and squealing, nothing could tear my eyes from the screen. As soon as I got home I popped on Facebook to compare notes with my girl Nicole!

I am just glad that the next one will be out in June!

Monday, November 23, 2009

A little Sad

OK, I know I have blogged about this before but now that it's done I am kind of sad. Owen doesn't have his Binky anymore. I was gone for a girl's scrapbook get-a-way, and the boys stayed with their dad.

According to him, Friday night he never asked for it. Never asked for it Saturday during the day or at Nap time. Bedtime came and he whined for it a little bit but his dad told him he was a big boy and didn't need it anymore. He whined a little more but went to sleep.

Sunday rolled around and I got home about 2:30. He was taking a nap and didn't have it then. Bedtime rolls around and as soon as I laid him in his bed he starts asking for it. If his dad hadn't been standing there I would have caved and ran and found him one. But he just did what he did before and told him he was a big boy and he didn't need it. He eventually laid down but I had to lay in his room until he fell asleep. Every night since has been OK, he kind of whines and we tell him he is a big boy and he agrees. At night he sucks on his top lip in lieu of the Binky.

Most parents would be jumping for joy to get rid of one more piece of baby paraphernalia. But he is my last baby. And he is so cute with that Binky in his mouth. But I have to keep telling myself he is getting bigger, he needs to start talking more, it's better for his teeth.

Thursday, November 19, 2009

Happy

Sometimes when life sucks you just have to focus on happiness. I believe this is what gets me through the day sometimes, focusing on things that do make me happy. Here is my most recent list:

Hearing Owen say Hi mommy when I go to get him out of his crib in the morning
Evan sitting on my lap even though he is getting way too big
My numbers on my scale going down every week
Getting a friend request on Facebook from someone I miss dearly
Qdoba Chicken Taco Salad
New clothes
Catching Gilmore Girls on reruns
A good scary movie
Fuzzy socks
A new book from the library
Playing the Wii with Evan
Watching the boys sitting in a chair together watching cartoons
A coke from Mcdonalds
Starting a new quilt
Singing to Laurie Berkner in the car with the boys
My Ipod on shuffle
Everyone going to bed on time with no crying or whining
Still being warm enough in November to hear the birds chirping and not wearing a coat

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

The land of the living

I think we are finally back. Sickness has left our house and we can all breathe again! It started last week with my oldest, he came home last Monday coughing. Spent Tuesday at Daycare on the couch and Wednesday with his dad at the office lying on the couch there.

By that night my baby was pale and running a fever. I spent Thursday home with him feeling progressively worse myself. He wasn't running a fever Friday so I sent him to daycare and went to work. Saturday afternoon we both had fevers again so I took us down to the after hours clinic, not my first choice but what do you do on a Saturday? I was glad I did, it wasn't a bad wait and a very nice doctor was on duty. I have an Upper Respiratory Infection and baby boy had Croup! It was a rough couple days but we made it.

The last of the antibiotics will be consumed tonight and everyone is finally sleeping. the only traces are the lingering coughs and some snot-noses. Now let's hope that was the worst of it until Spring!!

Sunday, November 1, 2009

Happy Halloween!

I love Halloween. It's my favorite Holiday. I am not really sure why because I haven't dressed up for it since maybe high school. I love the decorations, the pumpkins, and my favorite are the scary movies!

Ever since I had kids I love it even more. I have been to every one of Evan's Halloween parties at school and this year was the first year Owen really trick or treated.

The weather turned cold and rainy towards the end of the week and i was afraid it would be to nasty out to take Owen but sometime around 4 it stopped raining and the 40 MPH winds died down. We went through our sitter's neighborhood and they got plenty of candy. It was weird though, ever since all these churches started the Trunk-or -Treat program the neighborhoods are empty. Plus last night there were way more teenagers than I ever imagined. The only reason I ever went trick or treating that old was because I took my sister's so my parent's didn't have to.

We went to Walmart today in hopes of finding next year's costumes half off but alas no finds. I wanted either Woody or Buzz for Owen and they didn't have any big enough. Evan thinks he wants to be either a Clone Trooper or a Vampire next year but none of those either. I tried to talk him into some other costumes but he wasn't feeling it. Maybe another store will have them.

On a side note, even though I love, love, love Candy Corn and those marshmallow pumpkins, I have not bought or consumed any this year. No Halloween candy either. I am in about the fourth week of WW and i gained a pound last week. I blame that on my drinking binge with my girlfriends the week before!

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Wordless Wednesday



This is my angel. She sits on my front porch and guards my house. She was in a flower arrangement from my Grandma Powell's funeral and I took her and she has been with me ever since. Sometimes she is on the front steps and sometimes she is up on the railing but as long as she is here I feel like my Grandma is still here too!


Monday, October 26, 2009

So far so good

I am on vacation. That is always a good thing. So far I spent the weekend at my parent's house with the boys. I went shopping with my mom, took Owen and Avery to visit my girlfriend and her daughter, went to a Halloween party Saturday night, then went to the casino and out with friends.

The casino was fun. I won $35 and then went on to our usual place and met up with friends. We had a really good time. I wasn't driving so I had a few drinks and it felt really good to be out with friends laughing and having fun.

Today was my first official day and the boys and I overslept. Normally Owen is wide awake somewhere around 6:45 but this morning, nope. We woke up at 8:30, I knew it was late because it was light out but when I turned on Nick JR and Jack's Big Music Show was on I knew we were in trouble. Evan starts school at 8:55 so he was about 45 minutes late. Dropped little squirt off at daycare and spent the day cleaning my upstairs. My plan is cleaning the basement and weeding through clothes tomorrow.

Wednesday I am off to the salon. Not sure what I want yet but something different. Something maybe chocolaty brown and blonde.

Hoping to accomplish lots this week. Maybe some Christmas planning out of the way. I might even go to the movies by myself.

I am not at work so anything I do is good times!

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Perspective

There is nothing like getting a little perspective in your life. Feeling sorry for yourself? Feeling down? Thinking that the world is out to get you and nothing is going wrong? You can maybe think of others who have it worse than you and make yourself feel better... OR you can do this.

You can go read NieNie You can read about a woman who has faced death and survived and does so with such an uplifting, beautiful spirit that you can only then look at yourself and feel guilty for that little pity party you just threw.

I recently discovered NieNie through other blogs and its amazing how one woman can touch so many lives by just being herself. The tragedy that this couple has gone through and come out of in inspiring. All around us we listen to people complain and whine and moan about everything and most of the time, it's small potatoes. Nothing. Just a little annoyance that has occurred.

When you feel sorry for yourself just remember that.

Saturday, October 17, 2009

It's got a good beat and I can dance to it.

One of the greatest loves of mine is Music. I have mentioned it before but have not posted just about it.

Music has been a huge part of my life for as long as I can remember. Listening to old country at my grandparents, listening to oldies with my parents. Music was a big part of any family party we ever had. My dad's side has many, many talented musicians and singers. I however, inherited only the love of listening to it!

My dad's younger sisters are only about 10 and 11 years older than me and they babysat me a lot. Let's just say I was introduced to Pink Floyd, The Eagles, Heart, ACDC and Ted Nugent at a very young age.

Growing up I learned to appreciate all types of music. We played a game in the car on long road trips. My dad would have the radio on and quiz us girls, if we didn't know then he would rub my mom's head, and she hated that because it messed up her hair, we however thought it was hysterical.

I ran the gamut later, Top 40 because I didn't know any better, then the hair bands which led to heavy metal and some thrash metal but only because the bad boys I liked lived on that stuff.

Later in high school I had some friends who listened to what could only be described as early "Alternative". The Soup Dragons, Siouxie and the Banshees, the Cure. Bands that rarely showed up on MTV except in the early morning hours, and never on the radio.
College brought Grunge, by far my favorite genre. Kurt Cobain left and indelible mark on my musical soul and I still think he was by far one of the most talented musicians EVER! Pearl Jam, Soundgarden, Smashing Pumpkins, etc.

My Ipod is Schizophrenic. It goes from Vivaldi to Stone Temple Pilots. Johnny Cash to The Violent Femmes. You definitely can't put a label on me!
My boys seem to like music just as much as me. Evan loves ACDC but also has The Beach Boys on my MP3. Courtesy of his Papa. He loves the Beatles and Tom T Hall. Owen will dance to anything that is on.

Music to me is just more than notes, and lyrics and sound. Done correctly it can be an experience. I tend to remember people in terms of song. Either by the music I liked when I knew them or by a line in a song that makes me think of them. Music is best listened to at top volume. Not one to be concerned with my hearing I tend to have it as loud as I can(of course not that loud when the kidlets are with me)

I could go on and on, and I am sure someday I will but now I am going to bed and listening to my Ipod till I fall asleep!

Monday, October 12, 2009

The lights of my life

These guys are truly what makes it possible to wake up in the morning. I know you can ask just about any mother and they will say the same, however I truly feel it down to the depths of my soul.

I got groceries today after work and didn't get home until 7:30. When I pulled into the driveway I could see my little guy through the window and the expression on his face just made my heart sing. He broke into the biggest grin and I could see him say "Mommy" and he started jumping up in down.

You know you are loved when your presence can make someone else that joyful.

I love spending time with them and showing them new things. We went to an apple orchard on Sunday and picked apples and enjoyed the various offerings and had a lot of fun.

I just love my boys and cannot imagine my life without them. Any time I feel like I need to count my blessings I just think of them!

Monday, October 5, 2009

I'm Starving!!!

So I started Weight Watchers last week. They are offering through work and we meet weekly at lunchtime. It's all part of our company's Fit 4 Life program. The cool thing is if we attend at least 10 meetings I get half my money back through my insurance company!

First of all, I don't think I eat alot. I have my days but I am not one of those eat whole pack of chips, cookies, carton of ice cream people. I like food but always try and get my fruits and veggies every day and try and drink lots of water.

My problem is I sit on my butt ALL DAY at work. I am literally tied to my desk! I try and walk sometimes at lunch but I don't always remember tennis shoes and sometimes its not always safe to walk by yourself.

So I am trying this. One of the other girls on my floor is doing it also. There are about 40 other women in the bank and I am happy to report that although I wanted to vomit when I saw my actual weight, I was actually on the smaller end of the scale. I am tall so I carry my weight well most of the time.

We figured out how many points we get and how to eat filling foods and I didn't really need to do all kinds of shopping so I thought I was set.

My problem lies in the psychological aspect of DIETING. Now I know they say WW isn't dieting but it is. I never crave food more than when I can't have it. I was thinking yesterday how hungry I was even though I had just ate. My girlfriend called me yesterday saying the same thing. We just need to think about what we are eating.

It doesn't help that we had a tailgate potluck at work on Friday and two birthdays today.

Needess to say I am chewing alot on minty gum to keep from eating.

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

A Funny Story

My kids are hilarious. Really. Some of the stuff that comes out of Evan's mouth is just priceless.

He is now 8 went and for the first 5 years of his life to one sitter. They lived in a neighborhood with a few kids but only a couple his age. The sitters yard backed up the neighbor behind her so he used to play in that yard along with the little boy next door. The lady behind my sitter had grandsons who would come over sometimes also.

I picked him up one night when he was just five. At that time he wanted to wear a ball cap every day like his dad. This particular one had some kind of emblem on it that stuck out. That day he came home and it had been ripped off. I asked him what happened and he said Cooper did it over at Carol's house. I didn't think this was nice but when I gave him a bath he had a large scratch down his back and a bruise on his leg.

I asked him what happened and again he stated it was Cooper. Now the boy next door's name was Mikey and Carol's grandson was Chad so I didn't know a Cooper. I asked him who was in the yard when this happened and he said Carol and the boys and that Carol yelled at him but Cooper knocked him down and took his hat and that is when he got scratched up.

Now I am becoming angry. How dare some kid knock my little boy down! I almost started to call my sitter but I wanted more info. I asked Evan if Cooper played with them often and he said yes every time they were in Carol's yard. I asked if he had done this before and he said that last week he knocked Mikey and Chad over. I asked him how old Cooper was and he kind of gave me a strange look and said he wasn't sure. Was he bigger than him. Evan said yes. Do you know his mom? Again a really strange look.

I finally picked up the phone and started to call Debby my sitter and ask where she was when all of this was happening when he said something that stopped me in my tracks.

He sat there in the tub and said "Mom will you also tell Debby I don't want Cooper licking me anymore?"

Me: Evan, who is Cooper? Evan" Cooper is Carol's dog mom" The way he said it was so matter of fact like how could I not know Cooper was a Black Lab!

Thursday, September 24, 2009

Coupon Crazy!

So I totally ripped this idea off of Trina but it is so cute I had to do it myself.

For the longest time I had your conventional coupon holder. The accordion style that you could organize by subject, product, etc. As I started to get deeper and deeper into this obsession of coupons, it became more and more difficult to keep them organized.

I would spent a good 35 minutes in the store just digging for the right one even though they were categorized! Well I perused many a good blogs and sites for coupon organizing ideas and Trina's was the best.

I went down to my local Walmart (although I am boycotting them right now) this was about a month before school started. I bought a Mead Binder. I bought a see through pencil pouch, some pretty pink dividers, that came with some pretty flowery folders, and some baseball card inserts.

**Side note on the baseball card inserts** It took me three trips to Walmart before I could find them. I looked around photo, school supplies, sporting goods, everywhere and the oh so knowledgeable staff kept telling me they were there. I finally found them by the books on an outside aisle.

It took about two days of clipping and trimming and organizing but I finally have my coupons where I can find them. I have places for just Store coupons like Target and Kmart. I have a place for the odd shaped ones. Everything is in its place! It is sooo much easier than the old coupon holder I have! Everything zips up and the only issue I have had is when I had it open and dumped it into my cart. Not a pretty sight but I have learned my lesson!

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Random Tuesday Thoughts Part II

So I guess I have had this title before, might as well use it again. Nothing specific going on other than the usual.

My Birthday was last week on Thursday. I am 36! the big 3-6. I don't feel 36 and I certainly don't act it. I also was told my several people that they thought I was only 30 so that was good! I have good genes. My parents don't look their age either.


To celebrate my friends and I went to Oktoberfest and got extremely drunk and had a blast, My best buddy Bridget was my DD and although not everyone I really wanted there was there. We had fun! Nothing like beer and Polka!

School is back in full swing and Evan is doing well, Third grade already and he is going to a different elementary in the same school district. Like I figured he has adapted just fine. He knew some kids from playing baseball and has made the acquaintance of one little girl named Olivia who he has informed me gives him her pudding every day!



Little man has officially hit the terrible 2's. The tantrums have begun and he now is not wanting to go to bed at night or lay down by himself for a nap, thinking now is not the time to also wean from Binky!

I got a new camera and I am really digging it, its a Canon Powershot Elph and its super sweet! Will be having lots more pics to post that goes along with my blog like some of the cooler bloggers out here have!

I am tired of working on Total Drama Island. Leave me alone and I will leave you alone. Don't to me, about me, with me, around me, just leave me alone!!! Enough said.

Tired of living on Total Drama Island! Still waiting for the day I can come home from work and have a relaxing evening with no yelling and fighting. Praying the day comes soon.

I am wondering how much you can obsess about something/someone before you make yourself insane. Thinking I am getting close, although it's a nice change from reality!

Thinking I need to get to bed since morning is right around the corner!!

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Too much

Have you ever felt like life was just too much sometimes? Besides the day-to -day struggle to just keep up with the house and the kids. Have you ever looked around you at other people and been affected in a way you can't understand? I feel that way sometimes.

Sometimes I wonder if my heart is just too big. Am I too sympathetic? Too empathetic? Should I just try and be more jaded?

I hear things every day on the news and radio and online. People being murdered for no reason. Children being abused. Lives being destroyed. There are days when I just want to disconnect from it all and take my children far away somewhere where life is slower.

One thing that really bothers me is the homeless. I shouldn't say it bothers me as much as it upsets me. I work in Downtown Flint. Not a place that gets alot of glamorous publicity but not the most horrid place either. There are alot of homeless around. In about a three block radius there are several shelters and missions where people can go spend the night and get a couple meals, but then are supposed to be out on the street during the day. Across the street from the bank I work at is U of M Flint extension. There is a pavilion that has the bookstore and eateries and alot of the homeless people take shelter there. I look at these people and wonder how on earth they got where they are now. What happened in their lives to bring them to this? I don't look at them with disgust and try not too look at them with pity but I do sometimes.
There was one man in particular today I saw at the pavilion. He sat at a table in the corner, out of sight, his meager belongings at his feet. He looked in dire need of a shower, haircut and clean clothes. He was sitting there reading a book and I thought, this man could have been someone great. Did he have a family somewhere? There was something in me that wanted to sit down and ask him, see why he lived this way and wanted to know if I could help.

I try and help as much as I can. I bring clothing and donate food and money when I can to the local shelters. Right now at work we are having a monthly drive and bringing different items request to a housing resource center. It helps families in the area with a variety of things, including clothing, bedding, temporary shelter and even an address to put on a job application if they don't have one.

We all have so much and there are those who have so little. I think everyone should take some time to find out who needs help in your community. You never know whose life you could help.

Personally if my life doesn't unwind and get calmer soon I am packing the boys and going to go live with the Amish!

Thursday, September 10, 2009

The Binky Battle


SOooo my two year old. He has an addiction and I hate to say but I am not helping it at all. I never thought it would get this bad. By this age his older brother was this age he was OK just having his binky at nap time and bedtime. I thought that is where we were heading with little man.

Over the last few weeks it has become a nightmare. He wants the things 24/7. I have about six strategically placed around the house. I try and take it away first thing and he screams. I do a good job at getting it away from him during the day at times and so does my daycare lady. The minute I walk into daycare he screams for it and we wrestle it away for the rest of the evening.

I wouldn't be so concerned except he still isn't talking a ton. My pediatrician suggested we limit it to get him talking. He can say words and he knows exactly what we are saying. I taught him some sign language so he signs for more and please and thank you and he is starting to say them but most of the time I am the only one who understands him.

The most frustrating and the funniest part is how he asks for it. Some kids yell binky and my niece used to call hers a goggie. But my kid does this war cry thing that sounds like: "Leedle, leedle ,leedle" And he keeps doing it until you give it to him.

At least I know he won't go to school with it....

Friday, September 4, 2009

What I really would like to say sometimes

We have all been there. You know you have. As nice as you want to think you are, as Christian as you want to be, it just happens. You have things on your mind you want to say but you don't. So you think them in your head, and maybe you say them to one trusted soul or to your blog buddies but never to that person.

Here is a list of things I have wanted to say in the recent week. There are several different people that I want to say these things to:
*Please just stop talking to me about your problems
*If you are going to talk to your husband, boyfriend, baby's daddy, sister, mother,father, brother please be quiet, I don't want to hear it
* Did you even brush your hair today?
* Are you really asking me that question again today for the third time
* can't you figure this out yourself, you make three times what I do.
* Did you get dressed in the dark today?
* You really should have looked in the mirror before coming to work today
* No one was talking to you so keep your opinions to yourself
* the world doesn't revolve around you sunshine
* Everyone has an allergy or something that bothers them,we don't have to hear about yours every five minutes
* No one thinks you are least bit funny or amusing so please stop
* Do you have any idea how annoying you are?
* Here's a dollar, go buy a clue
* Do you ever think about what you are saying before you open your mouth?
* Is it lonely up there on your pedestal?
* Just get off your lazy arse and quit complaining!
* Did you just fall off the turnip truck?
And last but not least...........................Do you have any idea how much I like you and think about you all the time???

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Get into the Groove

Back to work! Vacation last week and got to spend about five days at my parent's house. It was awesome, my mom was on vacation too! Even though we didn't do anything spectacular it was nice just to be there with people who love you! Went to the casino with my sister and friend and we didn't rake in the dough but had a good time!

Back to school next week! Yeah! Kids are in bed now by 8:30 which is good because it gives me a couple hours to do some things, but in the same breath stinks because I don't get out of work till six all week. It's very hard to be a working mom sometimes! I feel guilty when Evan asks if we can do something as simple as go to the park when there just isn't enough time in the day.

I have to keep giving myself a pep talk to get back into it though. It was very nice just doing whatever for a week. Now it's back to up at 6:30 and dressing up every day, getting kids places and myself to work on time! Then there is the monotony of sitting at my desk, listening to the same co-workers bitch about the same things they were bitching about before I went on vacation! Plus my job is just getting to me. I need more sometimes. I know in a week or two I will be back into it but some days......

Saturday, August 29, 2009

I want to be part of a team

I have been thinking alot about what is wrong with my marriage. Besides the fact that we cannot get along at all, some other things have been bothering me. The biggest is that we don't work together at all. I don't know if we ever did. We both work full time but its almost always been me coming home making dinner and doing all the cleaning up. I never asked him to really do anything and with only one kid it wasn't that big of a deal.

Now we have two and i have a different job that requires me to sometimes work later than daycare is open. That means he has to pick up the kids and occasionally get dinner ready. But we still don't work together. It's almost like we keep score, I did this so I am not going to do that.

My sister has a wonderful husband. He does things without being asked. He just does things because they need to be done, not because someone asked him to or nagged him. They get along great and yes they have their moments and she complains about him from time to time, but they really have a good marriage. For example; when we go out there for dinner, the minute dinner is done he and my sister work together, to clean up and put stuff away. The other night the boys and i stayed and my sister was doing laundry, he sat right down with her and helped fold and put away. He got my niece ready for bed and helped her brush her teeth while my sister finished up some things. No one had to ask the other to do anything, it just got done.

I know I am not the only wife in the world who wishes her husband would help out. I just want someone to help out without feeling like there was something I didn't do, or should have to again keep score or point out what they did. I was talking to my brother in law about this and he said "I just do what needs to be done". And that is exactly it, he just does it. If my sister needs some time to do something alone he takes my niece outside, or wherever he is going. No nagging, prying, prodding.

The problem is this is just one of many things. everyone asks me what is going on and I don't have one major thing. He isn't abusive, he doesn't drink or do drugs. He works hard. He just isn't a nice person.

I want to be married to someone who wants to work together to make our family happy. Is that too much to ask?

Monday, August 24, 2009

The best friends are the old ones...




My oldest friend in the world is Christy. We met in Kindergarten and have been friends since. We played together all the time. When my youngest sister was born, Erin and I stayed at her house.

Over the years we have really tried to stay in touch. Months have gone by and then we start emailing again. Our oldest two kids are only four months apart. I went to see her when I was still pregnant, then took Evan over when he was just a little guy. She drove up with Grace to see me and Evan, then her and her husband came up with Grace and spent the day.

The last time I actually saw her other than maybe running into her in the store for a minute was when our oldest two were three years old. She had just found out she was pregnant with her son.

This week I am spending some time at my parents and we finally got together. I took the boys over to her house and we grilled out (well, Chris did) and caught up and the kids had a blast!

It's so weird to see our kids playing together like we did over 30 years ago!

Thursday, August 20, 2009

Thankful Thursday

After an extremely long day at work and at home I need to relax and unwind and think of all the things I am thankful and happy for:
*My vacation is one day away! One more day of work then I am off till August 31st!
*My little guy is finally sleeping through the night almost all the time!
*I won $10 on a scratch off lottery ticket (only cost $2)
* I found Love in the Time of Cholera marked down and the bookstore
*I found some really cute work pants at Fashion Bug that make my butt look good!
*My mom is on vacation next week too, I get to spend some really quality time with her!
* I will have time to actually do some things and get some projects done next week!

And last but not least someone at work got a virus on their PC today and my favorite IT guy spent a couple hours on our floor! (Yes I know I am crazy thank you!)

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Goodbye Kitty


Last Friday we had our cat put to sleep. Well I had her put to sleep because I took her to the vet. I have had her at least 12 years and she may have been about 13 or 14.

For the last few months she has been acting weird. She was howling at night, and not just at full moons. She was throwing up alot. I could tell it was getting hard for her to climb up and down the stairs and in the last couple weeks she started going outside of her cat box. She had never done that before so it concerned me. The Friday before last was little man's birthday and we were going to the other side of the state for the weekend. I got home and picked her up and noticed that her pupils were not the same size. One was very large and the other was small.

Right away I called the vet but because she didn't seem to be in any pain we made an appointment for first thing Monday.

Monday rolls around and the vet's office calls; my vet is sick, she has kidney stones and they need to reschedule for Wednesday. Tuesday night I get a message that they still don't have a replacement vet and I need to call and reschedule again. They were not open at all on Wednesday so I called Thursday for first thing again Friday morning.

My cat was never an outdoor cat. The only times she ever went outdoors is when we moved and the few times she had to go to the vet. I had to drop off the boys before I went and She howled the whole way to vet. This upset Evan, who I think knew what was coming.

The vet (not the normal vet) and vet tech checked her out and she had lost three pounds since I took her last a couple years prior, and they could tell her eye that had the larger pupil was unresponsive and that there was bleeding. They wanted to do about $258 in tests, and probably would have come back and said there was nothing they could do for her. I talked to the vet tech who was wonderful and I decided to put her down. She just wasn't herself anymore and with the news they gave me I just couldn't see prolonging her life.

I don't think the vet was very happy but too bad because I didn't like her at all and it was my cat. She made a couple of remarks under her breath about doing everything possible. IF my cat had been about six I would have done the tests but they seemed unnecessary and inhumane to me. I was with her when she went and it only took about a minute. I brought her home and we buried her in our backyard. Right now there is a small Cross but we are going to find a nice marker.

The vet tech and the office manager sent Evan a nice workbook home and we talked about it and he put on a brave front until about 10:30 at night. He started crying and of course talking about death, then talking about people in our family who are old, like the greatgrandparents.

We decided that when I am on vacation next week we would pitch our tent and sleep in the backyard with Kitters. I still look for her around the house and my little guy doesn't understand. We are getting a dog in the spring, but Kitters will still be our first pet.

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Pour Some Sugar on Me!

A few weeks ago I went to see Cheap Trick, Poison, and Def Leppard. I went with my friend Nicole, her friend Jodi and my friend from work Beckie. Nicole and I saw Def Leppard together about 17 years ago when we were 19 (man are we old) It was awesome then and we were psyched for this one too.

The original plan was for me, Nicole, and our other girlfriends from High School, Nicole and Jen to all go together, we got the tickets and were ready. Then life happens and plans change and Nicole and Jen couldn't go (BOO) and Jodie and Beckie took their place. About 15 people from where I work were going also so we tailgated and met up and all sat together.
The concert was at DTE (Pine Knob) Which is an amphitheatre. Of course you sit on the lawn, that is where the party is. It was so fun. Cheap Trick was fine. Everyone sat talking while they were on, they were like the appetizers at a wedding, you nibble and chit-chat but everyone is waiting for the main course.

Poison was good. I saw them in high school. Up front. Main row, watching Bret Micheals shimmy down a pole! They were OK, Bret sounded a little hoarse but all in all a good time.

Def Leppard was awesome! The guys sounded and looked great. A little older but still hot!!! They put the concert up on the screens so we who sat in the grass could see them well, by the end we were screaming and laughing and dancing.

Afterwards they were handing out passes to go to some club the next town over to hang out with Poison. We didn't ride with Nicole and Jodie so we got separated in the parking lot, come to find out the next morning they went! They crowded into this club and got to meet Bret Micheals! Nicole was so geeked, and I was geeked for her. Next stop --Rock of Love!!!!!

Monday, August 10, 2009

Monday Random Banter

It's Monday, Yeah!! Not really but just trying to be positive. Why does Monday get such a bad rap? It's the beginning of a new week yet people always gripe about Mondays. They pine for the Friday-Saturday -Sunday back!

This last weekend was a whirlwind, Owen's 2nd birthday was Friday. I took half a day off and finished up shopping for his party and running errands. Friday night we took off for the in-laws. That night I met up with some friends from high school at a local bar. I haven't seen them in several years and it was fun. Two of my friends had gotten married and now they live in South Carolina- they come up in the summer for a couple weeks and at Christmas. There was a small group of us and we had a blast. There was also a table of people that graduated a couple years prior so it was fun seeing them also.

Saturday was baby boy's party, just family out at my sister's house. I will have pictures soon and a funny video of my niece Avery wrestling the dog for a toy. It was nice, he got a lot of Diego stuff and he wanted to take it all to daycare with him today.

Yesterday Evan went fishing with his dad and Grandpa, they caught 43 bluegills of which he caught three and one crappie, then descended on the snack box and ate everything his grandma packed for snacks. We had lunch and the great-grandma's visited and then my brother-in-law came over with my nephew. We don't see them often even though they live about 7 miles from the in-laws. They are just a different kind of folks and it's fine with me if we only see them a few times a year. My BIL didn't bring his "woman" which also was fine because she gets on my last nerve and my very unkind side comes out when she is around.

I have several things I need to get done, including my Great-Grandma's quilt, cleaning my basement and organizing clothes to get ready to put summer ones away and see what is going to fit for winter.

Hopefully this week I get some time to post pics from the Def Leppard/Poison concert we went to a few weeks ago. It was a blast.

Monday, August 3, 2009

What a deal!


I love a good deal. In fact, I thrive on good deals. Show me a loaded clearance rack and I will be a happy, happy girl. I love Coupons. I ALWAYS shop with them. I learned this from my mom and I think I actually use more than she does now!

I have tried shopping at several different stores but lately I have been going between Kroger and Meijer's and Walmart. They are all relatively close to me and depending on the ads I sometimes go to all three. Kroger is kind of like Publix for those of you in the South.

For those of you who can shop at Kroger you should for a couple of reasons. One, they double their coupons up to a dollar! Meijers only does up to fifty cents and Walmart doesn't at all! Two, their ads run concurrent with the coupons in your Sunday paper plus most weeks they have extra money off your bill if you buy certain items, plus those items usually have coupons.

Another way to save if you don't like to clip them is the Internet. You can go to Kroger.com and load coupons on your card. You can use those plus your paper ones. They don't double the ones on the card.

Also, I have come across a website called Couponmom.com Its free! All you do is sign up and they send you emails of when the newest coupons have been loaded. Some of them you cannot double but they also have links to Smartsource and RedPlum which are the inserts you get in the paper and you can print from there too!

My last two times to Kroger, my bill came to at least $113.00. I walked out both times paying about $65.00! Plus alot of the stuff was free! They have Colgate toothpaste on Sale for $2, just use your $1 coupon doubled, Free! This week they have Always and Tampax for 1.99 if you buy four of the participating items, they don't have to be four of these , but there are $1 off coupons in the paper and they are doubled, so FREE.

Some of my girlfriends have taken coupon classes for Krogers. The lady has them over to her house and teaches them how to shop the ads, plus she sends them a spreadsheet of the free stuff they can get. Personally I can do this by looking online and at the ads so I prefer not to pay for the service.

Recently I had $1 coupons for Nestle Purelife water. Walmart had a 24pack for $3. The only take the $1.00 of but 24 bottles of water for $2 is pretty awesome to me, Especially when everywhere you go you pay $1 for a bottle of water!

We have a nice little stockpile going, not that I think anything is going to run out but if its free or nearly free then I am all for it. Right now I have 7 toothpastes, 4 shampoos, 10 rolls of paper towels, 11 boxes of different kinds of macaroni, six boxes of Pop-tarts and assorted items and I paid next to nothing. Plus my pantry is overflowing and my other cupboards are full. The only items I buy on the off weeks that we don't get paid are Milk and Fruit.

Coupons, if you don't use them, then you make too much money!!!!

Friday, July 31, 2009

15 Books


I really do have a whole lot of blog stories swirling around in my head, however I just can't get them to come out. I am posting something going around on Facebook and I think everyone else should too. It's a kind of fun way to see what everyone else likes to read!

DON'T TAKE TOO LONG TO THINK ABOUT IT. Fifteen books you've read that will always stick with you. First fifteen you can recall in no more than 15 minutes.
*** In no particular order- and I will try not to explain why I like them, but feel free to ask.

15. The giving Tree- Shel Silverstein
14. Are you there God, it's me Margaret- Judy Blume
13. The Catcher in the Rye- JD Salinger
12. Summer Sisters- Judy Blume
11. More than you know- Beth Gutcheon
10. Second Glance - Jodi Picoult
9. IT- Stephen King (I hate hate hate clowns)
8. Lightning0 Dean Koontz
7. The Bible
6. The Poisonwood Bible- Barbara Kingsolver
5. The Girl with the Pearl Earring- Tracy Chevalier
4. The Time -Travelers Wife- Audrey Niffenegger
3. Twilight- Stephanie Meyer
2. The Shell Seekers- Rosamunde Pilcher
1. A Girl named Zippy- Haven Kimmel

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Wordless Wednesday

Every time I have a bad day I know that waiting at home for me are two little boys who are my world!!!

Monday, July 27, 2009

Irritation and Chafing

Man, am I irritated today. Part of it is Mother Nature arriving too early (sorry to any male readers). On the way to work it felt like an obstacle course, people driving too fast, too slow, weaving with no turn signals, etc.

Work has been wearing thin on my nerves. I am extremely tired of all the pissing and moaning that goes on in my office. I have never worked with such a group of whiny people in my life. Some of these people would not be happy if you handed them a million dollars. They would find something to bitch about. They would probably bitch that they had nothing to bitch about.

I cannot stand negativity. I can be crabby but I try and see the positive of most things, and when you are surrounded by negativity 40 hours plus a week it begins to wear you down.

It's not much better at home- the negativity is at an all time high so I am back to hiding out!

Tomorrow will be a better day. I am POSITIVE of that!!!

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

For the love of the Game?


Ahhh Baseball. My favorite sport. Love to watch me some baseball. This year was Evan's third year playing. He was still in coach pitch and he did really well this year.

My boy is not aggressive, he can hit well when he wants to and can throw well but just doesn't always have his head in the game. If I had known better I would have started him playing T-ball when he was four instead of soccer which was a total waste of time. He was bored this year because he was relegated to
the outfield most of the time.

As a mom, sometimes its hard to watch your kids play sports. I wanted him to do well and when he would get out (they only got five pitches whether they were good pitches or not) or threw the ball to the wrong base, I would cringe, but when he did well I was so proud. Its' not that I wasn't always proud of him it's just that I didn't want anyone else to think he wasn't good.

The league he plays in is our towns rec league. Anyone can play- you just pay your $75.00 and sign up then the coaches do a draft. They obviously pick their own kids and can pick kids they know are good but they do really well making sure teams aren't stacked. His coach this year was interesting. I know the family and they have a reputation for being hotheads. He really made the kids listen but did a little more yelling than I liked. Evan's dad coached third base so he was right there the whole time so I knew he wouldn't let it get out of hand. Another thing is most of these guys all grew up in this town and have known each other forever, They are all grown men whose kids are playing ball, not them, but I digress.

We had a few incidents in some games. When we were beating some teams sometimes the other team would say we were running our players, but every team did that at one time or another. The kids did really well and ended up 9-2, we had one game rained out and one team forfeit because of not enough players that day.

Playoffs were this past weekend with a double elimination to make it through. During the regular season kids ump the games but for playoffs we had honest to goodness real umpires. Friday was the first game and we played a team we had beat earlier in the season. It was going really well until the next to last inning when the other team tied the game. It went two extra innings until finally their team scored 13 runs on us and by the time we got them out it was 9PM and they called the game because it was getting dark. that meant we had to come back at 7:30 the next morning and play our half of the inning. The boys really tried. They scored nine runs but couldn't tie it. We won the other two games on Saturday. Sunday morning we played at 8:00, the team we were playing was one that had only beat us by two runs and we were doing well but again they tied it up. We went two extra innings again however this time, the umpire we had stated that it was going to go by international rule and the first team to get someone on first base won. We got out 1-2-3. The other team came up to bat and they got two outs but the last kid got on first so they won an advanced. Our kids did great, they were proud of themselves and that should be the end but its not.

Some of our parents started questioning why Friday nights game wasn't played like Sunday's. We would have won Friday night if it had. One of the other issues is that one of the coaches on Fridays team we played is also the commissioner of our league. Also, our coach had gotten into it with one of the other coaches and their team was mad. Since I came back to work today I have had all kinds of comments made about the "issues" our team had over the weekend. We weren't the only ones though. I talked to another mother and she said the rules seemed to change every game.

The main thing is that the game is supposed to be for the kids, not the parents. The kids are the ones who are supposed to play and learn the game. It shouldn't be about grown men competing against each other trying to keep outdoing each other like they have been doing since high school!

Monday, July 13, 2009

M.I.A.

I have been slacking lately. I just realized I have not posted anything in a week. I have started to a couple times and then just run out of steam, so I just let it go. It has been busy with baseball practice and games and working late.

This last week my wonderful sister came up to my house and collected my boys, she kept them for a couple of days and I went and got them this weekend. It's always weird when they are not at home, it's too quiet and I don't know what to do with myself. Friday night we went to look for curtains. We went back and forth between four different stores and ended up buying the curtains at Meijers and the curtain rods at Walmart. We got new living room windows and the boys are constantly tearing up the blinds so lets see how they do with curtains.

Work has been work, nothing fun or exciting. Baseball has almost come to an end. We have on regular game this week and then playoffs. The boy's have done wonderful this year and Evan has had some really good hits!

The home front is the same, nothing better, nothing worse. We got along pretty well when the kids weren't here but that isn't good because the kids are always here every other time. I honestly don't think I get mad at him or upset mostly because of the kids, but he seems to think that is why we fight all the time.

Sunday my sisters and I took the kids to the zoo. IT was great fun. Battle Creek has an awesome zoo and the kids really enjoyed it. Owen was not afraid of anything, in fact he ran right up to the giraffe's and fed them!

Hopefully I can get back into the swing of things because I have tons that I want to post.

Monday, July 6, 2009

5 Questions

It's Monday and I have no ideas so I am blog stealing from Proud Mommy today.......
1. What are your most treasured possessions?
I would say my kids but they are not possessions, so mine are my photograph's of my family and the letters my grandmothers wrote me while I was growing up. They are both gone now and I like to re-read them from time to time

2. What was the best material gift you ever received?
It's not really a gift but recently my Great-Aunt Barbara gave me a quilt top that my Great-Grandma Cotton had hand-sewed over 50 years ago- it needs to be backed and quilted and I am currently working on that.

3. If you could only wear one outfit for the rest of your life, what would it be?
My really comfy jeans, my V-neck tshirt from Tommy and sandals

4. If a world-famous photographer were going to take your portrait, where would you be? What would be around you or in your hands? Would there be other beings in the portrait? What would a world-famous photographer shoot to capture your image?
I would love to have a portrait of me and my boys, they would be in my arms and we would be outdoors in a beautiful field, I don't even need us to be looking at the camera, I like candid shots better.

5. Where do you feel most at home?
My parents house, and my Grandpa Powell's house

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

The Break-up

I went through a break-up recently. No, not my marriage. I broke up with my best friend.

It's odd really, when you are close with someone you consider a sister, someone you have traveled with, your kids are friends, you do everything together and then you are not friends any longer. It's almost like a death. You go through the same cycles of grief, the denial, sadness, anger, then the acceptance. It can be as traumatic as divorce. Someone you were extremely close to now you are avoiding and not speaking to and all forms of communication have stopped. The hard part in this is that we work together so we see each other every work day.

I still don't know what happened. I know that I have been accused of saying things that I do not recall saying. Actually, I have never been told what I supposedly said, just that I was overheard saying things. This is news to me. In the ten years we were friends I never said anything bad about her. I loved her like a sister.

At first I reached out and tried to understand, I believe there were other things going on in the undercurrent of her life which contributed to this. I apologized profusely for things that I did not what I was apologizing for. I cried daily, at home and at work. I could not understand.

When I got a response in the form of a nasty email I was stunned. Accusations and betrayals coming out of the mouth of someone I thought I knew. I weeped and cried and kept to myself. I felt literally like I had been stabbed in the back. I realized that when you share yourself so openly with another person, sometimes all you are opening yourself up for is heartache.

I became angry and thought "how dare you", I thought about things constantly, I hashed things over in my head trying to recall what could have happened and always coming up with nothing.

After a few weeks her husband called me and tried to figure out what happened. He didn't even know. We discussed at length what could have happened. He wanted to try and get us together to get some type of conversation going but I knew her and any kind of ambush would have made things worse.

As time has gone by I realize now that we will probably never be friends again. I have not talked to many people about the situation especially at work, I just don't trust that many people. The people who do know about it know the basics. I still have never said anything bad about her.

One thing I have realized now that nearly five months have gone by is that I am just as happy now as I was when we talked constantly every day. I have many, many friends. People who love me no matter what. People who would come to me and tell me "Hey, you have upset me by what you said and I want you to know why" That is all I have ever asked for, just tell me what I did so I can understand. I have noticed other things now that I am separated from the situation. Things about her that I didn't notice until we didn't talk and I have realized that maybe this was not meant to be a lifelong friendship. Maybe this has run its course.

A chapter has closed in my life and now I just need to move forward and look ahead to better times.

Sunday, June 28, 2009

Thirteen Pies and a Bloody Lip

What a weekend. The plan was to just hang around home and clean. Friday night my friend from work and I went to see The Proposal. Awesome movie and I am not saying that just because I lust after Ryan Reynolds. It was funny enough for a guy who might get dragged along by his woman.

Saturday was cleaning day but I was tired from the late movie so I took a nap while the baby did (I really have to quit calling him a baby since he will be two in August.) I did clean but slower than normal. My darling husband came home and mowed the lawn then came in and proceeded to argue with the oldest about something mundane, so they were yelling and Evan stormed to his room. He was jumping around on his bed and came down hard on the end of his bed which has a foot rail and smashed his lips onto his teeth. Blood everywhere. Luckily after several mouthfuls of water and some ice on the lip, it quit bleeding. The blood came out of his quilt and sheets also.

Today I went over to my co-worker Jennie's house and we baked 13 pies. Seriously. Our boss's birthday is Tuesday but we are having his birthday at work tomorrow. The peach pie we made is for him to take home and enjoy with his wife. We work with about 45 people in our department and of course there will be hanger-ons who always show up when we have food so we should have plenty.

I only got one phone call while I was there. I left at 8:30 and was home by 2:00 but that was a little too much to ask. The rest of the day was just not fun at all. A lot of sniping and bickering and I finally went for a bike ride about 8:30 till the sun went down. It's sad to admit but sometimes I look forward to Monday morning and going back to work!

Thursday, June 25, 2009

Thankful Thursday

For as much as I gripe, and complain about things going on in my life, I really do have alot to be thankful for. I have a good life just not an extremely happy one. That is going to change soon hopefully, and no matter what, life is not happy all the time.

I am thankful for healthy happy children

I am thankful for my parents, they are the best and I am really close with them

I am thankful for my sisters who I am extremely close too which is great because we almost killed each other growing up.

I am thankful for my close friends, who know me the best and know all about me and love me in spite of myself.

I am thankful for my job, I have worked there for 11 years and have a wonderful department and bosses and fellow co-worker (for the most part)

I am thankful that I am healthy. I have my aches and pains and issues sometimes but I truly believe that if you get up and have a positive attitude and think you feel good you will feel good

I am thankful I have a brain in my head and that I use it. All day long I answer questions for people and sometimes I really really wonder about how much knowledge some of these people can retain. I have a great memory and I like to learn and read about interesting things. I feel like the more I know the better,

I am thankful that I am relatively sane. Other than some random bouts of anger and throwing things (usually thanks to my husband) I am fine. I don't have any crazy rituals, weird psychosis, or need to be center of attention.

I am also glad that I can read, write, spell and make sense and use the proper form and context of words!

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

To Love, Honor, Cherish, at least until you get sick of them

I have a theory about the divorce rate in America and why it's so high. 50 years ago the divorce rate was about 10 in every 1,000 marriages. Today it's about 60 in every 1,000 marriages.

Here is my theory. I don't think it has to do with today's morals and values. I don't think its because couples just give up to easy on marriage. I think its because 50 years ago most women stayed home and had no other option but to stay married because they had no income of their own. They were tied to their homes and their husbands with no other choice but to stay married. They couldn't move out and get an apartment or house of their own with no money or steady income.

Most women today, including myself, have their own income, granted it goes to pay bills and childcare and groceries. but if I had to I could live on my own. We have choices now and although divorce is not the preferred option sometimes its the only alternative. I still don't know what is going to happen in my situation but I will not stay in a marriage feeling like I have no alternative.

Sunday, June 21, 2009

Happy Father's Day

First of all, a Happy Father's Day to all you Dad's out there. I went to my parents this weekend to spend Father's Day with my Dad and my Grandpa Powell. We girls went in and got my dad a new computer chair, a very swank leather chair for a Big Man, because my dad is a Big guy, and his computer chair was falling apart. We also went in and got my Grandpa a new vacuum. Kind of boring sounding I know but he needed a new one and you can only buy someone so many shirts.

My dad is wonderful. We are exactly alike in so many ways. Growing up we had some major battles. In fact my junior year of high school was rough. We didn't seem to get along at all and my mom would always say it was because we were so much alike.

My dad is a really laid-back kind of guy. He is a sports fanatic, a music fanatic, and a movie-holic. He is not a Mr. Fix-it by any means but not all men are.

My dad instilled in us girls the values I hope to pass on to my boys. He is respectful and caring and empathetic. If you needed something he would give it to you. He taught us that even if you have very little someone else has less, so you would never turn anyone away. He has a big heart.

My dad does have his faults. He can be a procrastinator, something I have spent my life trying not to be, and when something is wrong or needs to be fixed he sometimes will just act like nothing is wrong until he cannot ignore it anymore. That is one way I am exactly like my dad. Right now my marriage is in shambles and has been for a long time but I just don't know how to deal with it.


I know that my dad will always be there for me and I love him for that and for the person he is!

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Random Tuesday Thoughts

Thank you to Proud Mommy for giving me a reason to put all my crazy thoughts down:

1. I had a training class today and it was interesting and informative but the one thing I always wonder when I meet new people is I wonder what they think of me? Not in a self-absorbed kind of way but more of a curious manner. Do they think I am funny? DO they think I am annoying? Fat? Ugly? Cute? Nice?

2. I have a million things to do yet here I sit. It's 10:30 and I still have one load of laundry to put in the dryer and finish putting groceries away and get garbage around for tomorrow since it's garbage day.

3. I really think I am losing my mind. Not sure yet if it's voluntary. What do you do when you feel so strongly about someone/something and your hands are tied.

4. As long as it's not raining tomorrow both sets of Grandparents are coming up to watch Evan's baseball game tomorrow. Should be fun, and Evan is going to go home with my parents to stay until this weekend when Owen and I will head that way.

5. I got my new bike and have ridden it a mile or three the last few nights. My butt is sore and my legs feel like spaghetti. I hope it starts working because the starving myself thing sucks!

Friday, June 12, 2009

Freakin out Friday

I am establishing a new day out here in Blogland. I have seen Wordless Wednesday and Thankful Thursday and so on and so forth. I have yet to see Freakin out Friday so here we go.

Why am I freaking out you ask? For various reasons, some very small and some a little bigger at least in my deluded mind.
1. My house is a mess and it's driving me crazy. Evan had three games this week and I really need to dust, vacuum, clean the bathroom and just in general pick up. I sit here at work thinking how I need to clean.

2. They moved our desks at work this week. Same job, same people, but our boss finally got tired of the people who were bickering and bitching to him so he moved the majority of us. I was in the corner in a nice quiet cubicle, I didn't have to look at anyone if I didn't want to , and now, now I am in the middle of the PIT! Right smack in the middle of the room and it's loud, and I am facing people and I feel like I am on display. I am not complaining to anyone (except you) because it is what it is but I still don't like it.

3. I keep having dreams about that person and last night was a DOOZY. I dreamt that he was at my parent's house of all places, and he was talking about going on a date. When I asked him who he was going on a date with he looked at me and leaned in with a little smile and said "Well you of course", then he kissed me. I wished I was still sleeping.

I could go on but that is the gist for the week. I am sure I will have a plethora of issues next week!

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Wordless Wednesday




My Sweetboy Part 2



My boy is eight now. Sometimes I cannot believe he is that old. He still loves to sit on my lap and be cuddled. He still likes for me to lay with him for a few minutes at night. He doesn't mind holding my hand in public. I have told him that eventually he won't do any of those things anymore, and he looks at me with his big blue eyes and says "Of course I will Mom!"

The sad part is I know the day will come when he will cringe from a hug or kiss from me. When he won't leap at the chance to go to the store with me. Right now, he is still my sweet little boy.

His dad says I baby him. I don't think I do. I am firm with him, I discipline him, I yell at him (too much some times). He thinks that Evan should be tougher, more aggressive in sports, not such a mama's boy. I don't see an issue. He is eight, not eighteen.

He still likes to watch cartoons his brother does sometimes. Don't get me wrong, he loves Spongebob and obnoxious stuff like that but I don't let him watch stuff alot of other parents let their kids watch. He is kind and gentle, and just and all-around good kid. I want to teach him kindness and respect and responsibility. Not how to take out the other guy. I want him to think of how he can help others as well as himself. Not think, what's in it for me.

I know I can't stop time from marching forward, but for now I will enjoy my sweet little Evan!

Sunday, June 7, 2009

In no Condition for this Dispostion

I am tired of being angry. I am tired of being irritated and annoyed and hurt and put out and, and all the rest.

I had a really good weekend. My youngest sister Kelly came up and spent the weekend with me and the boys. Their dad worked Saturday then left Saturday afternoon for a fishing tournament. Kelly and I took the boys to Crossroads Village (another post for another happier time) shopped, went out to eat and watched movies. I love having her come up, the boys adore her and we had a really good time.

Then this afternoon my husband came home. His sunny disposition as always trailing in behind him. I will spare you the gory details but let's just say I was frowning with my arms crossed within five minutes.

I am TIRED OF BEING ANGRY!!! I don't want to do it anymore. I know that something has to change. I tried ignoring him, not saying anything or getting a snotty tone and it's so hard! Now its 10:40 at night and I have to be up at 5:30 to go to work and I am too riled up to even think about sleep!

All I want is to be happy. For one day. From the time I get up to the time I go to bed. Happiness. Calmness. Peacefulness. Is it really too much to ask? I am starting to get stomachaches and my teeth grinding is back and I have been biting my tongue literally until it bleeds. This cannot be a good sign!