Tuesday, March 27, 2012

If you're happy and you know it clap your hands...

Because I think too much, (see two posts below)  I was thinking of what truly makes me happy.  I have been writing more to try and clear my head, so this is my unofficial list:

Sunshine * Evan and Owen * Seeing Friends* My Family * Happy people * Music* Talking* Dancing* Seeing the numbers drop on the scale * Smaller clothes * Coffee * Books * Driving with the window down * Telling Funny stories * being with people who love me * Going barefoot * Writing * Hearing good news about others * holding babies * the physical closeness of another person * Good grades from Evan * finding something I lost * Old Family pictures * Dogs * Listening to Owen tell a story * Making something with my own hands * Simplicity *

After I made this list I can see that there aren't many tangible things listed.  Material things do not make me truly happy.  I have always said I would rather live in a cardboard box and be truly happy than have everything in the world.  The things that truly make me happy are not things at all but people and moments in life.

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

Monday, March 19, 2012

The power of overthinking

It's my own fault and I do it to myself every time.  I think. And then I think some more, and somewhere along the line of my overthink my wild imagination takes over and I am in a panic.  I have, in my mind a situation that is so out of control, so unfathomable that I am sure it's the truth.  I have made a mistake.  I totally Fu*&ed up, no fixing it now.  And for days, it's all I can think about, over and over in my head, telling myself how stupid and worthless I am because of one stupid thing.

I can usually talk myself off the ledge, or I call my girls Rebecca and Tara and have them talk me down.  And then I am fine.  For days.  And then it only takes one little thing to send me back into my tailspin.

I really need to learn to stop thinking.  Someone suggested mediation but that would mean I would have to stop thinking and pretty sure that is impossible.  I tried it once and just ended up thinking about all the things I could have been doing while I sat there trying to think about nothing.  Unless I am sleeping (and then I have vivid dreams) my mind is going non-stop.  What I am doing, what I need to do, what I would like to do, who I would like to see, where I would like to be, etc, etc, etc.

This is the the only time I wish I was more like a guy, because as we know, they never think about anything.....