Monday, December 31, 2012

Happy New Year!!!!

Well, here it is......December 31st...Again..... This year Mama is actually spending it with the hoolies.  We are visiting with some friends, getting our Dance Party 4 on, and just letting the hoolies run wild till they pass out. I have a bottle of Pink Moscato which I am very excited about so should be a good night.

I could reflect on the last year.  It wasn't my worst year.  Hopefully it won't be my best year.  There was happiness, sadness, heartbreak, death, love, new friendships, excitement, devastation and everything in between.  I have many "goals" for the New year.  I will share them with you tomorrow, but for tonight I hope that everyone enjoys themselves, with families and friends, and please be safe no matter what you do. 
If 2012 was not your best year than may 2013 be more pleasant.  Hopefully you all have someone to kiss at midnight, as I will be smooching my two little men!!!

2013 is sure to be an interesting year for me and I hope to share it with everyone!!!!! Until then, thanks to everyone who has checked me out and encouraged me this year! Love you all........Mama

Thursday, December 13, 2012

Hot Mess---Aisle 3

That would be me.....A great big mess.  I have a few ideas of how I got this way.  Single mother, works full time, pulled in 8,432 different directions on a daily basis.  I used to be so much more organized, so much more put together.  Well I am still pretty well put together, at least on the outside. 

On the inside I am going about 98 miles and hour every minute I am not sleeping.  Which by the way might be about 6 or 6.5 hours a night.  Right, like maybe I should be asleep right now instead of writing this???  I have too  many things to do to sleep, or as I like to tell my mother who gets pissed every time I say it "I'll sleep when I'm dead."

I used to be organized.....I try and be organized.....I fold things, put them away, rearrange, tidy up, and that lasts about five minutes.  I used to be able to have my house spotless in about three hours.  NOW I am lucky if one room is spotless for an hour.  This isn't because of kids, I used to clean circles around them.   

I used to have a perfectly balanced checkbook.  I still know how much is in my account but I haven't recorded anything in a register in about a year.  I had a planner with appointments, bills, birthdays, anniversaries, etc neatly written out.  I still know when those things are and pay bills but my planner is blank. 

I used to have motivation.  Like serious motivation. If I thought I was going to do something I did it and ten other things along with it.  Now I can plan on doing something and by the time I get home from work...forget it, I am in the chair watching 15 episodes of the The Office on Netflix  Its' almost like I cannot force myself to do what I need to do.  And i end up being so mad at myself, berating myself, and generally hating myself for awhile.

A well-meaning medical professional suggested ADD.  Someone else waltzed around the "depression" word.  NO, I don't think I am depressed.  I talked to my Dr and he just looked at me and said in his lovely Indian accent "Heather, you are a single mother trying to raise two boys, give yourself a break."  He did suggest I go talk to someone.  I haven't since I moved out. Oh I have talked to people, family, my sisters, girlfriends galore, but no one with the capability of telling me if I need a pill or a swift kick in the ass.

Part of my problem is I used to have someone to do this stuff for, besides my kids.  A reason to  keep a spotless house and cook meals, and generally create a home. Maybe I need that again.  I do cook, and clean and create a home for my kids, but there is a difference.  My kids aren't going to tell me to get off my ass and do something.  I can't lean on my kids, like I would a boyfriend/husband.   I am sure I will have it again, , maybe  almost have and don't realize it. Maybe.........BUT until then I can still fluff my hair, throw on my heels, put on my glossiest Victoria's Secret Lip Gloss and pretend the F*&K out not being a mess.

Saturday, December 8, 2012

Spirit Shmirit

I am soooo not into Christmas this year.  I haven't been in about three years.  18 days away and I am totally unprepared. Purposely.  I don't want to do it.  I wish it were about January 11th.  Yes my house is decorated..  Yes I took my kids to see Santa.  But as far as the hustle and the bustle and the idiots standing in line shopping, and the Christmas cheer--BLAH...Bah Humbug.

  I can't even explain it, Christmas used to be my favorite time of the year.  I love Christmas songs but I cannot even listen to any on the radio.  Other than being forced to in every store I frequent I have listened to none. I sing them at church but my heart isn't in it. If it weren't for my kids I wouldn't even have decorated.  

I am trying really hard not to go into a store if I can help it.  I have done some shopping online and I bought some items directly that someone made.  I would like to have had more time to make some things, but since procrastination is one of my strong suits...that will not be happening.  I don't want to spend any money....I have none which helps, but I would rather spend an entire weekend with my family, having meals and time together than buy presents and rush here and there.

I used to be that way, spending gobs of money, getting gifts for people.  More than I needed to, more than I should have, but I do like buying presents for people.  I just want to start doing something more meaningful that buying my kids and niece more toys that they don't really need and won't play with after about two months.  Christmas is not a contest.  It shouldn't be about who can spend the most money and give the most gifts. 

We are doing some different things this year, just me and the boys.  We are learning about who St. Nicholas was.  We are concentrating more on the birth of Jesus than just Santa Claus and Elves and presents.  That is another thing, it pisses me off to no end that people don't say Merry Christmas.  I do.  To everyone I can.  I  may even start saying Happy Jesus's Birthday.  That should guarantee me a visit from the ACLU!!!!

Oh well, it will be over soon.  Still, if I have to listen to the chick at work talk about spending $900 on their kids Christmas presents, or keep singing stupid Christmas music at work I may have to beat someone to death with a candy cane