Saturday, February 23, 2013

My Daily Five

My little has been sick this week.  Really sick.  So sick he missed school all week.  I took Thursday and Friday off work and we hung out just the two of us and we had lots of time to talk...and talk, and talk and talk.  The child loves to talk (I have no clue where he got it from)  and one of our discussions was what they do in Kindergarten.  Now Kindergarten today and what is was in 1978 when I started school, are two completely different worlds.  I know I learned my alphabet.  Does anyone remember the Letter people?  Miss A and her Achoo?  I know I could write my name and I remember our stations with modeling clay and listening to stories on headphones.  Aside from the Graham Crackers and Milk and that my rug was Blue with two White Stripes, and that we walked to the park and caught two salamanders as our class pets, I don't remember learning much else.  Kindergarten today however....well to even walk in the door, they need to know how to write their names know their ABC's and a slew of other things.  One of the things they do is call the Daily 5.  Every day they divide up into their team colors and have five different stations.  Math, Writing, Drawing, Listening Skills and Journaling...yes Journaling.  O asked me if I had a Daily 5 in Kindergarten and I told him no, and he told me that was too bad. 

That got me to thinking and that little spark of OCD in my brain that my ADD hasn't killed off starting thinking of lists of five things. I could make lists all day.  I may not follow them or get them done but damn I am a fantastic list maker.  I was going to try and keep it at 5 lists of 5 but I am so good I made 6.

this will never happen because I never go anywhere
1.  Summer Sisters by Judy Blume
2.  The Shell seekers by Rosamunde Pilcher
3.  Something Borrowed by Emily Giffin
4.  Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert
5.  The Bible

OK this list could go on forever since I love so much good music but here is a start
1.  All Beatles songs (with the exception of Sgt Peppers)
2.  Rocket Man/Tiny Dancer/ Benny and the Jets
3. Margaritaville/Come Monday
4.  Fire and Rain
5.  Don't stop believing

I could really annoy a person watching these movies and depending on who I watch it with I do it on purpose
1.  Heathers
2.  Clerks
3.  Singles
4.  Sixteen Candles
5. Grosse Point Blank

Another list that could be  miles long, but these are things that I will actually share
1.  Telling people how I really feel (well some people get this luxury)
2.  Cutting fabric straight even with a ruler
3.  Saying NO to McDonald's Coke
4.  Refraining from saying the "F" word about 1,000 times a day
5.  Singing in any form, except in church, with 300 other people there I am fantastic

I don't really need much, just these simple things
1. My iPod -this is self-explanatory, if I didn't have music to listen to I might go postal
2. My Nook/Books real or digital I have to read
3.  Lip Gloss- preferably Victoria's Secret Minty Lip Shine, I've heard it tastes good!
4.  Coffee- Again, without it you might get hurt
5.  Pen and Paper- look if these thoughts don't have somewhere to escape to....

Not really holding my breath on this one...but a girl can dream or hallucinate or what have you
1.  Wonderful Tonight- Eric Clapton
2.  Come Away With Me- Norah Jones
3.  Crazy Love- Van Morrison
4.  The only one- The Black Keys
5.  No one's gonna love you - Band of Horses

Thank you and goodnight!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thursday, February 14, 2013

Just another Thursday in Paradise

*Disclaimer:This post was written after consuming an entire bottle of Moscato, if you think I might insult or offend your tender sensibilities move on*
it's Thursday, and the fact that it's also Valentines Day has not been lost on me.  My little one had two parties today, one at school and one at daycare, so after securing two sets of Valentines cards and making two different snacks, I got him on his way to have a fun sugar-filled day.

That's when the real fun started. I spent this lovely February 14th listening to everyone around me and on facebook talk and post about how much they love this person and oh look what I got, as pictures of flowers, candy, balloons, what have you appeared. There is nothing more annoying or vomit-inducing to a single person than listening to a sickening lovefest going on all around you.  Seriously.  Not that I am bitter, cuz I'm not.  I LOVE love.  There are some people I know who are truly in love and I for one could not be happier. Jealous? maybe.  Annoyed? Ever so slightly? Bitter? Never.  I haven't had very many Valentines days where I have actually had a boyfriend/husband/whathaveyou make a big fuss and I am OK with that.  It's always amazed me the expense and drama that goes into one day.  Women expect gifts. Men fluster themselves trying to figure out what to buy (The teddy bear or the chocolate? Or both?)  It's kind of ridiculous actually. It's one day where people stress themselves out, spend money on things that are overpriced for that specific day and try and make another person happy with that particular token, because nothing else on any other day would possibly be good enough.

I thought I might have plans tonight,  you see  I have been seeing this really great guy for about three months. But life happens and alas here I am alone...on Valentines day drinking way too much wine, talking with girlfriends about whats wrong with men.  This guy, it's so far nothing serious, I guess,  just two people spending time together when we can, and let me tell you, I totally dig this guy. I'd like it to be more, but I haven't said anything.   Why you ask?  Because I am chicken shit.  Totally terrified the answer I want isn't the one I want. My friend told me last night that she can't believe i haven't spoken up yet because if I am one thing, it's outspoken what the hell is wrong with me?   I feel like total shit.   It's no one but myself making me feel this way.  And no amount of wine, texts from girlfriends or pep talks make me feel any different.  I don't even care that its stupid fucking  valentines day.  It's more about being with a specific person that I want to be with.  And my issue??? Well let me tell you, it's the super dark thought in the back of my brain, the one that was planted years and years ago that whispers to me 'you're not really good enough".  The person that planted it is long gone.  I divorced him, but the whispers of doubt that he instilled in me still swirl around so when I don't think things are going well, I immediately go to those thoughts.  Crazy I know but its a hard habit to break.

My friend Michele wrote an interesting note on FB today. She talked about how its' the everyday small things being more important than a big grand gesture on one day of the year.  I whole-heartedly agree.  I would rather have one person who thought of me 364 days of the year than one stupid Hallmark Holiday.  I would rather have a note on my pillow, in my car or a stupid random text than a card, flowers, balloons chocolates or a dinner that you had to wait two hours for.  i would rather have a book you bought me because you remembered it was my favorite author on a random Tuesday in July.  I would rather have you text me a song you think I like from  YouTube in the middle of the day.  I would so much rather have  a glass of wine waiting for me on a day that I came home after a hard day than any amount of gifts on one day in February.  I pick happiness on random days of the year over  any type of fuss on a day that you are supposed to buy me something pretty.    

And can I just say this: Stop telling me I will find the right guy someday.  I am so freaking sick of hearing that I could literally punch the people that say that. Stop telling me I am a great catch,  I know this, this is not new information to me.  I am awesome and any guy would be lucky to call me his girlfriend/wife.  I could totally rock someones world.  I know this so stop telling me. And quit looking at me with those stupid freaking sappy eyes like you just told me I have three damn months to live.

All I want a best friend.  One that will listen to me talk and talk and talk and just laugh at me.  One that lets me cry when I need to and someone to be stupid and  silly with.  One that likes to dance around the house and loves nothing more than lying on the couch and reading a good book on  a weekend. Someone who loves me for me and loves to be with me.  It sounds so easy....and maybe it is.

All I know is that in one hour this stupid day will be over.  And who knows, one year from now I may be of those insipid lovely dovey people grandstanding on FB about the love of my life, and if I am you have my permission to tell me to shut the F*Ck up!

Thursday, February 7, 2013

There's this and this and that and this

Do you ever have those days where there is so much swirling around in your head, so much activity, so much caffeine coursing through your veins that you simply cannot pin a thought down????  Once in awhile?  Mine are pretty much every other but today more than most. Add a big dash of crazy emotion and you have me right now. Because if you know me at all, emotion is something I am Never without, good and bad

Let's start with the fact that if it doesnt' warm up soon and that sun doesn't start shining soon, I will not be held responsible for my actions.  There is only so much Vitamin D3 a girl can take, I am contemplating going to  the tanning salon, either that or asking my doctor for some Prozac.  I hate being cold, I hate being cooped up and I hate hate hate NO sunshine.  My nickname is Sunshine for crying out loud and I NEED SOME.

On the other end of the spectrum, I received a message from the husband of a very dear close bestest friend asking if I would like to spend a weekend in Chicago with her.......just us girls...... Hellz Yeah.....the man even offered to keep my children while we went.  If this doesn' scream Husband of the Year then nothing does.  I am so excited right now, I have never, ever , ever in my 39 years just gone to Chicago to spend the weekend, and that thought makes me sad because it truly screams how sad and pathetic my travels have been.

In between there, I have been talking to and thinking about a girlfriend who has been going through hell.  I look at  myself and my sad little life, and like to feel sorry for myself every once in awhile but I really dont' have much to complain about.  No I don't have any money but I have plenty of things.  I have two healthy children who drive me bat-shit crazy but I love them more than my own life and they are really great kids.  I was yelling at them last night then read the blog of my friend and thought "What a horrid wretched person I am, yelling at my children and her own dear daughter is gone from this world"  Her blog is a must read. Anyone who can get through half of  a post without crying  , is someone I don't even want to know.   You can read about what she has been going through here

Next week is my boy's first rock concert.  We are going to see Three Days Grace, Shinedown, and POD.  To say we are excited is an understatement.  I LOVE going to concerts and because he has his Mother's impeccable music taste, this is something we both can do and enjoy!!! I got seats because even I know 11 is a little too young for a mosh pit!

That Dodge Ram-Paul Harvey commercial during the Superbowl just about did me in.  I loved listening to him, it reminds me of being at grandparents and he would always be on the radio.  He is gone and so are they and I have been thinking lately about how much I miss them and would give anything for my boys to have known their Grandma Powell. Some days it's almost too much to bear to know that we will never have another Christmas or Thanksgiving at their house.

I have to say I am flattered and taken aback at the outpouring of love and kudos I have been getting from various friends. None of them know each other but for whatever reason, they have all decided to bombard me with texts, FB messages and posts to tell me how loved I am, how great I am, how great of a mother I am and on and on.  If ever I needed to hear that it's right now. I feel like I am stuck in purgatory.  Nothing about my life right now is for certain.  Not my job, not my love life, not my future and to hear people tell me they are thinking of me, hoping for me and basically cheering for me, makes me feel slightly more stable and less likely to come unglued.  this had led me to reach out to some people who haven't heard from me and tell them the same thing.

So if you get a text or email or phone call from me, and it makes your heart feel good, please pass it along...