Sunday, June 28, 2009

Thirteen Pies and a Bloody Lip

What a weekend. The plan was to just hang around home and clean. Friday night my friend from work and I went to see The Proposal. Awesome movie and I am not saying that just because I lust after Ryan Reynolds. It was funny enough for a guy who might get dragged along by his woman.

Saturday was cleaning day but I was tired from the late movie so I took a nap while the baby did (I really have to quit calling him a baby since he will be two in August.) I did clean but slower than normal. My darling husband came home and mowed the lawn then came in and proceeded to argue with the oldest about something mundane, so they were yelling and Evan stormed to his room. He was jumping around on his bed and came down hard on the end of his bed which has a foot rail and smashed his lips onto his teeth. Blood everywhere. Luckily after several mouthfuls of water and some ice on the lip, it quit bleeding. The blood came out of his quilt and sheets also.

Today I went over to my co-worker Jennie's house and we baked 13 pies. Seriously. Our boss's birthday is Tuesday but we are having his birthday at work tomorrow. The peach pie we made is for him to take home and enjoy with his wife. We work with about 45 people in our department and of course there will be hanger-ons who always show up when we have food so we should have plenty.

I only got one phone call while I was there. I left at 8:30 and was home by 2:00 but that was a little too much to ask. The rest of the day was just not fun at all. A lot of sniping and bickering and I finally went for a bike ride about 8:30 till the sun went down. It's sad to admit but sometimes I look forward to Monday morning and going back to work!

Thursday, June 25, 2009

Thankful Thursday

For as much as I gripe, and complain about things going on in my life, I really do have alot to be thankful for. I have a good life just not an extremely happy one. That is going to change soon hopefully, and no matter what, life is not happy all the time.

I am thankful for healthy happy children

I am thankful for my parents, they are the best and I am really close with them

I am thankful for my sisters who I am extremely close too which is great because we almost killed each other growing up.

I am thankful for my close friends, who know me the best and know all about me and love me in spite of myself.

I am thankful for my job, I have worked there for 11 years and have a wonderful department and bosses and fellow co-worker (for the most part)

I am thankful that I am healthy. I have my aches and pains and issues sometimes but I truly believe that if you get up and have a positive attitude and think you feel good you will feel good

I am thankful I have a brain in my head and that I use it. All day long I answer questions for people and sometimes I really really wonder about how much knowledge some of these people can retain. I have a great memory and I like to learn and read about interesting things. I feel like the more I know the better,

I am thankful that I am relatively sane. Other than some random bouts of anger and throwing things (usually thanks to my husband) I am fine. I don't have any crazy rituals, weird psychosis, or need to be center of attention.

I am also glad that I can read, write, spell and make sense and use the proper form and context of words!

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

To Love, Honor, Cherish, at least until you get sick of them

I have a theory about the divorce rate in America and why it's so high. 50 years ago the divorce rate was about 10 in every 1,000 marriages. Today it's about 60 in every 1,000 marriages.

Here is my theory. I don't think it has to do with today's morals and values. I don't think its because couples just give up to easy on marriage. I think its because 50 years ago most women stayed home and had no other option but to stay married because they had no income of their own. They were tied to their homes and their husbands with no other choice but to stay married. They couldn't move out and get an apartment or house of their own with no money or steady income.

Most women today, including myself, have their own income, granted it goes to pay bills and childcare and groceries. but if I had to I could live on my own. We have choices now and although divorce is not the preferred option sometimes its the only alternative. I still don't know what is going to happen in my situation but I will not stay in a marriage feeling like I have no alternative.

Sunday, June 21, 2009

Happy Father's Day

First of all, a Happy Father's Day to all you Dad's out there. I went to my parents this weekend to spend Father's Day with my Dad and my Grandpa Powell. We girls went in and got my dad a new computer chair, a very swank leather chair for a Big Man, because my dad is a Big guy, and his computer chair was falling apart. We also went in and got my Grandpa a new vacuum. Kind of boring sounding I know but he needed a new one and you can only buy someone so many shirts.

My dad is wonderful. We are exactly alike in so many ways. Growing up we had some major battles. In fact my junior year of high school was rough. We didn't seem to get along at all and my mom would always say it was because we were so much alike.

My dad is a really laid-back kind of guy. He is a sports fanatic, a music fanatic, and a movie-holic. He is not a Mr. Fix-it by any means but not all men are.

My dad instilled in us girls the values I hope to pass on to my boys. He is respectful and caring and empathetic. If you needed something he would give it to you. He taught us that even if you have very little someone else has less, so you would never turn anyone away. He has a big heart.

My dad does have his faults. He can be a procrastinator, something I have spent my life trying not to be, and when something is wrong or needs to be fixed he sometimes will just act like nothing is wrong until he cannot ignore it anymore. That is one way I am exactly like my dad. Right now my marriage is in shambles and has been for a long time but I just don't know how to deal with it.

I know that my dad will always be there for me and I love him for that and for the person he is!

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Random Tuesday Thoughts

Thank you to Proud Mommy for giving me a reason to put all my crazy thoughts down:

1. I had a training class today and it was interesting and informative but the one thing I always wonder when I meet new people is I wonder what they think of me? Not in a self-absorbed kind of way but more of a curious manner. Do they think I am funny? DO they think I am annoying? Fat? Ugly? Cute? Nice?

2. I have a million things to do yet here I sit. It's 10:30 and I still have one load of laundry to put in the dryer and finish putting groceries away and get garbage around for tomorrow since it's garbage day.

3. I really think I am losing my mind. Not sure yet if it's voluntary. What do you do when you feel so strongly about someone/something and your hands are tied.

4. As long as it's not raining tomorrow both sets of Grandparents are coming up to watch Evan's baseball game tomorrow. Should be fun, and Evan is going to go home with my parents to stay until this weekend when Owen and I will head that way.

5. I got my new bike and have ridden it a mile or three the last few nights. My butt is sore and my legs feel like spaghetti. I hope it starts working because the starving myself thing sucks!

Friday, June 12, 2009

Freakin out Friday

I am establishing a new day out here in Blogland. I have seen Wordless Wednesday and Thankful Thursday and so on and so forth. I have yet to see Freakin out Friday so here we go.

Why am I freaking out you ask? For various reasons, some very small and some a little bigger at least in my deluded mind.
1. My house is a mess and it's driving me crazy. Evan had three games this week and I really need to dust, vacuum, clean the bathroom and just in general pick up. I sit here at work thinking how I need to clean.

2. They moved our desks at work this week. Same job, same people, but our boss finally got tired of the people who were bickering and bitching to him so he moved the majority of us. I was in the corner in a nice quiet cubicle, I didn't have to look at anyone if I didn't want to , and now, now I am in the middle of the PIT! Right smack in the middle of the room and it's loud, and I am facing people and I feel like I am on display. I am not complaining to anyone (except you) because it is what it is but I still don't like it.

3. I keep having dreams about that person and last night was a DOOZY. I dreamt that he was at my parent's house of all places, and he was talking about going on a date. When I asked him who he was going on a date with he looked at me and leaned in with a little smile and said "Well you of course", then he kissed me. I wished I was still sleeping.

I could go on but that is the gist for the week. I am sure I will have a plethora of issues next week!

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Wordless Wednesday

My Sweetboy Part 2

My boy is eight now. Sometimes I cannot believe he is that old. He still loves to sit on my lap and be cuddled. He still likes for me to lay with him for a few minutes at night. He doesn't mind holding my hand in public. I have told him that eventually he won't do any of those things anymore, and he looks at me with his big blue eyes and says "Of course I will Mom!"

The sad part is I know the day will come when he will cringe from a hug or kiss from me. When he won't leap at the chance to go to the store with me. Right now, he is still my sweet little boy.

His dad says I baby him. I don't think I do. I am firm with him, I discipline him, I yell at him (too much some times). He thinks that Evan should be tougher, more aggressive in sports, not such a mama's boy. I don't see an issue. He is eight, not eighteen.

He still likes to watch cartoons his brother does sometimes. Don't get me wrong, he loves Spongebob and obnoxious stuff like that but I don't let him watch stuff alot of other parents let their kids watch. He is kind and gentle, and just and all-around good kid. I want to teach him kindness and respect and responsibility. Not how to take out the other guy. I want him to think of how he can help others as well as himself. Not think, what's in it for me.

I know I can't stop time from marching forward, but for now I will enjoy my sweet little Evan!

Sunday, June 7, 2009

In no Condition for this Dispostion

I am tired of being angry. I am tired of being irritated and annoyed and hurt and put out and, and all the rest.

I had a really good weekend. My youngest sister Kelly came up and spent the weekend with me and the boys. Their dad worked Saturday then left Saturday afternoon for a fishing tournament. Kelly and I took the boys to Crossroads Village (another post for another happier time) shopped, went out to eat and watched movies. I love having her come up, the boys adore her and we had a really good time.

Then this afternoon my husband came home. His sunny disposition as always trailing in behind him. I will spare you the gory details but let's just say I was frowning with my arms crossed within five minutes.

I am TIRED OF BEING ANGRY!!! I don't want to do it anymore. I know that something has to change. I tried ignoring him, not saying anything or getting a snotty tone and it's so hard! Now its 10:40 at night and I have to be up at 5:30 to go to work and I am too riled up to even think about sleep!

All I want is to be happy. For one day. From the time I get up to the time I go to bed. Happiness. Calmness. Peacefulness. Is it really too much to ask? I am starting to get stomachaches and my teeth grinding is back and I have been biting my tongue literally until it bleeds. This cannot be a good sign!

Friday, June 5, 2009

Just call me Paleface

I am white. Obviously you know that by looking at my picture, but I mean I am WHITE! Although on my dad's side of the family there is some Native American lineage and my Grandpa on that side could be as brown as a chestnut in the summer, I follow my mother's side of the family who are all of Irish/English descent and are PALE!

I can get a tan. On my arms, and my chest, and my back, and the tops of my legs that is. If I want to get tan anywhere else I have to go to into an actual tanning bed. I haven't been in one in almost ten years. The last time was for my sister's wedding, our dresses were sleeveless and I didn't want to scare any small children with my white arms. (It was in March)

Tanning no longer appeals to me for many reasons: Money, time, having to lather yourself up and then think about all the people who laid here naked before you, and oh yeah that pesky little matter of skin cancer.

I have always been terrified of self-tanners. I conjure up memories of girls in high school who often resembled Oompa Loompa's after their foray's in to self-tanning. I remember vividly playing volleyball against one small Catholic school where all of the girls had glowing orange faces. They must have all gotten together and had a little session of self-tanning

Since technology has progressed tenfold I decided to give the ol' self-tanning another try. I decided I would just do my legs. One of the reasons for this is that my workplace finally decided we don't have to wear nylons any longer if we are in a non- customer contact area. I purchases a bottle of the Nivea Self Tanner. It actually looks like regular lotion. you just have to make sure you rub it in really well especially around your ankles and knees. So far it's working OK. I can see a subtle difference and it doesn't look the slightest bit orange. I am keeping my fingers crossed and just sticking to my legs. I can't press my luck!