Thursday, January 22, 2015

Reason not to date me

I have been doing this dating thing for about four years. Sometimes with smashing success and others with abysmal failure.

My friend who is recently divorced put on her FB the other night "what exactly do you men want, why are you so confusing"  I immediately jumped all over that one.  Simple and straightforward: Men don't know what they want.  For centuries it has always been assumed women are the hesitant, dithering ones.  Well I am here to tell you, it's men.  Now that technology can connect millions of people in seconds and you have a wider variety of people to choose from, it's like game on.  Meet a cute girl? Great, one will come along in about a day that is even cuter, let's try and get with her.

I am not just speaking from personal experience, I have seen it firsthand.  And before any of you boys get your knickers in a twist, yes, some women are guilty of this as well, but since I have never dated any women, I am sticking with what I know.

I am pretty sure I have heard it all at this point, and while some have not bothered me in the least, they are amusing.

In no particular order, here are the reasons not to date me:

  • I am to tall.. are short and insecure and I like to wear heels and you cannot deal with a woman taller than you.  I actually had a guy nearly throw a fit because I was wearing heels and was taller than him.  He said he was 5'10" and clearly wasn't
  • I am too smart.  Fine, I will give you that one.  Apparently intelligent women who can speak in complete sentences and use four syllable words are too much for some men.
  • I am too loud.  Sorry, but I like to talk and converse and when I am passionate about something I can go up an octave or three.  I laugh loud and I talk loud. Move along.
  • I am a little to heavy.  You knew this one was coming.  No I am not a stick.  I work my butt off and as much as I would love to be "skinny" it will never happen.  I prefer curvy.  I have a booty. I have only heard that one a couple times.  Most men have never complained.
  • I live too far away.  Why we dated for nine months before this revelation became important I am still not sure of, but distance can be an issue, so I guess if you're not up for the drive try your own zip code.
  • I care too much about people.  This came on a first date with short guy who apparently was turned off by the fact that I want to do missionary work and help the homeless.  What a selfish person I am.
  • I have kids.  Translation: While he also has children he would rather date someone who doesn't have kids and wants to take care of his.  Part B to this conundrum is my kids are too young.  Because theirs are nearly grown and they don't want to deal with mine.
  • I go to church.  Yep I do. Every Sunday.  I was on a first date with a guy and we started talking about church and religion and he wanted to know if we dated for a long time if I would expect him to go and go every single Sunday. Um, probably. That was our last date.
  • He's not looking for a girlfriend.  Then why are you talking to me, texting me, interested in general.  Oh just for the sex.  Next!
  • He isn't sure where this is going.  Well typically it goes with dating and getting to know each other then seeing if we want to get serious but apparently some men have to see the altar in the future in order to take it to a fourth date.
  • I drink beer.  this can be filed under stupid and ridiculous.  Apparently in said persons world ladies don't drink beer. M'kay well men don't drink fruity drinks in my book either pal.
  • We don't like the same music or sports teams.  Dude if you are this picky you will be alone FOREVER......
I could keep going but those are the funniest ones and I am starting to make myself depressed.  Ok, I know there is nothing wrong with me. I am probably too much awesome for most men to handle.  I will just keep going on dates trying to find that Frog that is going to step up and be a man.

Wish me Luck!

Monday, January 5, 2015

What Jimmy V said

There are days when this parenting thing seems like a piece of cake.  Days start out good, kids off to school,  organized, things going well until---BAM they aren't anymore and you find yourself screaming at your 13 year old in VG's parking lot.

That was today.  Today my oldest had his first day of basketball tryouts.  Now, I hold no illusion that my kids are superstars.  They both love sports and play with all their hearts, but lack the killer, go get em' aggressiveness that some kids seem to ooze from every pore. 

So I pick him up at 4:30, he gets in, throws his stuff in the backseat, and I  thinking I was going to hear great things ask him how it was. His response? "I hate it and the guy is a jerk and I am not going back."  Not what I expected at all.  I start with the barrage of questions.  What happened? Did another kid say something? Was he mean?

Now I guess I should give this disclaimer:  My kids are super sensitive...and they have always had really great, easy-going coaches for the most part in the past. 

According to Ev, the guy is a jerk who yelled the whole time, made them run and do sprints a ton and some of the other kids in his class yelled at him for not being aggressive enough.

By this time we are in the parking lot of the above said grocery store.  The mom in me for a split second wanted to comfort and make it better....but the athlete and competitor in me spoke up and said "Yep, that's how it is." "Suck it up"  I then went on to regale him with tales of my evil high school basketball coach who made us run and run and run and do suicide sprints till we puked. How she threw a weighted basketball at my head for not hustling. How I almost quit my sophomore year because I hated her and the mean senior girls I had to play with but how I stuck it out because I loved the game.  How my junior year I ended up with a fantastic coach and played a ton.  How is was over my dead body that he was giving up on the first day.

Words were exchanged, He yelled, I yelled, I threatened to call his Papa.  In the end I called his dad, who had the same conversation as I had with him.  Sports are hard. Coaches yell for a reason. Suck it up and try harder tomorrow.

He's going back tomorrow.  When we got home we sat on the couch and he put his head on my shoulder and I told him how much I loved him, how awesome I knew he could be and how proud I was of him for trying and keeping going. He stayed there and let me love on him for about five minutes which just about did me in.. If you have ever had a 13 year old boy you know that I get that moment about twice a year.  The rest of the year is quick hugs, pecks on the cheek and indifference.

I also made him watch the Jimmy V speech on YouTube .  I gave him a quick pep talk before bed and tonight in my prayers I am going to pray that he keeps with it, that he can learn that life is hard and has to work for what he wants.  I love this kid but I will not let him quit, and I will not be the kind of parent who butts in.  I had to get yelled and pushed and I don't think it hurts kids at all.