Thursday, January 22, 2015

Reason not to date me

I have been doing this dating thing for about four years. Sometimes with smashing success and others with abysmal failure.

My friend who is recently divorced put on her FB the other night "what exactly do you men want, why are you so confusing"  I immediately jumped all over that one.  Simple and straightforward: Men don't know what they want.  For centuries it has always been assumed women are the hesitant, dithering ones.  Well I am here to tell you, it's men.  Now that technology can connect millions of people in seconds and you have a wider variety of people to choose from, it's like game on.  Meet a cute girl? Great, one will come along in about a day that is even cuter, let's try and get with her.

I am not just speaking from personal experience, I have seen it firsthand.  And before any of you boys get your knickers in a twist, yes, some women are guilty of this as well, but since I have never dated any women, I am sticking with what I know.

I am pretty sure I have heard it all at this point, and while some have not bothered me in the least, they are amusing.

In no particular order, here are the reasons not to date me:

  • I am to tall.. are short and insecure and I like to wear heels and you cannot deal with a woman taller than you.  I actually had a guy nearly throw a fit because I was wearing heels and was taller than him.  He said he was 5'10" and clearly wasn't
  • I am too smart.  Fine, I will give you that one.  Apparently intelligent women who can speak in complete sentences and use four syllable words are too much for some men.
  • I am too loud.  Sorry, but I like to talk and converse and when I am passionate about something I can go up an octave or three.  I laugh loud and I talk loud. Move along.
  • I am a little to heavy.  You knew this one was coming.  No I am not a stick.  I work my butt off and as much as I would love to be "skinny" it will never happen.  I prefer curvy.  I have a booty. I have only heard that one a couple times.  Most men have never complained.
  • I live too far away.  Why we dated for nine months before this revelation became important I am still not sure of, but distance can be an issue, so I guess if you're not up for the drive try your own zip code.
  • I care too much about people.  This came on a first date with short guy who apparently was turned off by the fact that I want to do missionary work and help the homeless.  What a selfish person I am.
  • I have kids.  Translation: While he also has children he would rather date someone who doesn't have kids and wants to take care of his.  Part B to this conundrum is my kids are too young.  Because theirs are nearly grown and they don't want to deal with mine.
  • I go to church.  Yep I do. Every Sunday.  I was on a first date with a guy and we started talking about church and religion and he wanted to know if we dated for a long time if I would expect him to go and go every single Sunday. Um, probably. That was our last date.
  • He's not looking for a girlfriend.  Then why are you talking to me, texting me, interested in general.  Oh just for the sex.  Next!
  • He isn't sure where this is going.  Well typically it goes with dating and getting to know each other then seeing if we want to get serious but apparently some men have to see the altar in the future in order to take it to a fourth date.
  • I drink beer.  this can be filed under stupid and ridiculous.  Apparently in said persons world ladies don't drink beer. M'kay well men don't drink fruity drinks in my book either pal.
  • We don't like the same music or sports teams.  Dude if you are this picky you will be alone FOREVER......
I could keep going but those are the funniest ones and I am starting to make myself depressed.  Ok, I know there is nothing wrong with me. I am probably too much awesome for most men to handle.  I will just keep going on dates trying to find that Frog that is going to step up and be a man.

Wish me Luck!

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