Friday, March 20, 2015

Matchmaker Matchmaker, make me a match

OK, I admit it.  I am back on Match.  I'm not really sure why. Curiosity to see if there truly is someone worthwhile since I am not finding that person on my own.  Not that I am looking.  But seriously...the pond in these parts is D-R-Y. After my last few dates I am convinced there is not a decent guy to date in this county.   It's kind of a sociological experiment as well. Trying to see if being blunt and honest and forthright are still attractive qualities besides physical attraction.   I think I may be the only woman out there who isn't portraying herself as "just a nice girl looking for her Prince Charming" Gag.  So not me.  

So one night I was at my best friends house having a couple (several) drinks complaining about that very thing when she lovingly suggested I quit bitching and try Match again. Meh.  OK fine, the last long term relationship I had came from there but I didn't have my hopes up.  I had my laptop with me so we fired it up.  I reworked my profile and added new pictures and that was it.  I kind of forgot about it.  Then messages and winks and likes started pouring in.  So I got curious and started browsing myself.   It truly is a mixed bag.  There are some decent sounding guys and I have had a couple dates and talked to some guys, BUT I am just not feeling it, or getting excited about anyone.  Don't get me wrong, there are some good looking men out there that sound interesting but guess what? They live like an HOUR AWAY.  Le sigh...... my car can't hold up to another long-distance relationship.

It's been an amusing adventure as well.  Here is the thing.  You are trying to sell yourself out there basically.  You want to make yourself look as appealing and interesting as possible in the hopes you get the match you are hoping for.  Some men do a very good job. not.  I don't think they get it.  If I could give men (and some women) some advice, it would be this:

  • Put some decent pictures out there. Please. Chances are if you are shelling money out on a monthly basis for this service you have a smartphone and even if you don't have any friends, ask a stranger on the street to take your picture.  Stop taking pictures of yourself in the mirror looking down at the camera.  Don't lay in bed and take a picture. Ew.  Don't put 10 year old pictures out there.  Smile, this shouldn't look like a mug shot.  Don't put a picture of you and your ex out there and just black out her face, and for the love of God and everything Holy, Please please please, PUT A SHIRT ON!  I am sure you are proud of your physique but I don't wan to see that.  The first time I see you with a shirt off should be far, far down the road unless we are swimming or at the beach and I promise you my friend, that will not be a first date.
  • Be intelligent.  If you are sending messages, be witty, be pithy and charming. Stop sending messages that say "UR hot. RU single." Seriously. I have gotten about four of these.  Yes I know I'm hot and hmmm, the chance that I am single is probably pretty high since I am on this site.  
  • Be original.  We live in Michigan. Chances are if you are between the ages of  5 and 90 you enjoy the outdoors and fishing and bonfires and blah blah blah. We all do.  Talk about yourself. What are you looking for in a person? What are you passionate about. What do you believe in?  If you can't eke out more than three sentences to describe yourself.....boring....pass. If I read one more profile that says "work hard, play harder" or "looking for my partner in crime" I might just switch to the other team.
  • Be honest.  Give your correct height. If you are 5'8" then say so.  If you don't want to be with someone with young kids, then don't message me.  If you are just looking for a good time just say so and I will pass.  I can respect the men more that just put it out there in their profile that they are just looking to have fun, I know what they mean and can weed them out. Read the profiles of the women you are looking at. If she doesn't sound like someone you would like to spend time with but is attractive, I can assure you, you will just be paying for a meal and never see her again. 
  • Read the profiles.  I know I just said this but seriously.  They ask you a million questions for a reason. I am not interested in someone my dad's age.  I am not interested in someone who doesn't ever read or get outside, or exercise or interested in being around someone else's kids.  If we have no common interests then move on. Not to sound bitchy but I am picky and I know what I want.  To quote Cher from Clueless "You see how picky I am about shoes and I only put those on my feet."       
So basically, my adventure on this roller coaster is almost done and then I will just hope I can meet a smart, charming, decent guy the old-fashioned way. Whatever, Maybe I can turn this into a research paper and get some extra credit in Sociology class.

And don't even get me started about punctuation.......

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