Saturday, August 29, 2009

I want to be part of a team

I have been thinking alot about what is wrong with my marriage. Besides the fact that we cannot get along at all, some other things have been bothering me. The biggest is that we don't work together at all. I don't know if we ever did. We both work full time but its almost always been me coming home making dinner and doing all the cleaning up. I never asked him to really do anything and with only one kid it wasn't that big of a deal.

Now we have two and i have a different job that requires me to sometimes work later than daycare is open. That means he has to pick up the kids and occasionally get dinner ready. But we still don't work together. It's almost like we keep score, I did this so I am not going to do that.

My sister has a wonderful husband. He does things without being asked. He just does things because they need to be done, not because someone asked him to or nagged him. They get along great and yes they have their moments and she complains about him from time to time, but they really have a good marriage. For example; when we go out there for dinner, the minute dinner is done he and my sister work together, to clean up and put stuff away. The other night the boys and i stayed and my sister was doing laundry, he sat right down with her and helped fold and put away. He got my niece ready for bed and helped her brush her teeth while my sister finished up some things. No one had to ask the other to do anything, it just got done.

I know I am not the only wife in the world who wishes her husband would help out. I just want someone to help out without feeling like there was something I didn't do, or should have to again keep score or point out what they did. I was talking to my brother in law about this and he said "I just do what needs to be done". And that is exactly it, he just does it. If my sister needs some time to do something alone he takes my niece outside, or wherever he is going. No nagging, prying, prodding.

The problem is this is just one of many things. everyone asks me what is going on and I don't have one major thing. He isn't abusive, he doesn't drink or do drugs. He works hard. He just isn't a nice person.

I want to be married to someone who wants to work together to make our family happy. Is that too much to ask?

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