Why do three day weekends go by so fast? They all so start out nice and easy then before you know it you are driving home in traffic with 10,000 other cars all racing to get home, cars unpacked, fall into bed then get up and go into work the next day. Let me be clear: I DO NOT WANT TO GO TO WORK TOMORROW.. I need an extra day to catch up on this three day weekend and we were only gone away from home a little over 24 hours. I should be in bed snoozing and of course I am not. I will be crabby and cranky and tired in the morning, but it will be Tuesday which is closer to the weekend than when I start a normal week.
Avery and her Minions
Owen is done with preschool, so it will be full days at daycare for him, to which he replied: "I don't want to take naps!" I don't want naps either because without them he falls right asleep at night. Tonight they fell asleep well but why wouldn't they have? We had a very busy weekend
Watering Grandma's flowers
Birthday party for a cute little 3 year old on Saturday. Lots of swimming and running and swimming and cake and ice cream
Church Sunday morning with a trip to the toy store after to "look around"
Drove across the state that afternoon
Played at Grandma and Papa's while Mama went shopping with Grandma (Mama got a new top and some yummy lotion from B&B Works-thanks Grandma)
Cookout later
Ice cream on the way out to Aunt Erin's
Playing till bedtime with Avery
Awakened at 6:45 by the little ones (BOO)
Evan went target shooting with Uncle John, (Best BIL Ever!!!!)
Avery's Bday party - rescheduled from Sunday because she got the flu
This song is everywhere. EVERYWHERE! Everyone has heard it in it's original form or one of the many knockoffs. I first heard it about six months ago. I was in the car and heard about the last half of it. I never heard the title or artist but thanks to YouTube you can just put part of a song title in and usually get it. When I first hear a song, especially one I like, I really listen to it, the words, the melody, the beat, the whole thing. This one is particular had my attention. I can usually listen to a song an apply it to either something past or present in my life. Songs remind me of people, places, happenings, memories and because I listen to music so much sometimes that song becomes a part of that time in my life. When I associate a song with a happy time in my life, or a person then that person is gone, I can't listen to that song anymore.
This is the perfect break-up song. Not because listening to it makes you feel better but because it perfectly embodies what men and women do once broken up.
Let's start with him: He's happy, then he's not and he decides to be done. "I told myself that you were right for me, but felt so lonely in your company, but that was love and that's an ache I still remember" which means, I love you but not enough, and don't want to be around you anymore. Once guys are done, they are done. I have never been able to understand how they can just shut it off , compartmentalize and move on. Next verse: " So when we found that we could not make sense. well you said that we could still be friends, but I'll admit that I was glad it was over" Translation: Thanks for shouldering the responsibility and saying we can be friends. Now I can just walk away and not feel bad about breaking your heart. And my favorite, the ever so lovely chorus "But you didn't have to cut me out, make it like it never happened as though we were nothing, I don't even need your love but you treat me like a stranger and that feels so rough" Aww, poor you, you don't need our love but it hurts your feelings that we want to cut you right out of our lives. Guess what? Girls, Women cannot be friends, not right away and sometimes not ever. Women invest more energy and time and when it ends, we end up apologizing, for being the one more in love. Signals get crossed, feelings get crushed and people feel like stupid idiots for feeling that way, and one person, Men or Women, get to walk off thinking that you can still be friends while the other party shoulders the blame or resentment. No way should you get to feel good about this pal.
Women don't get off easy in this either. We are no picnic ourselves. Let's dissect: "Now and then I think of all the times you screwed me over" I love that line. We always get screwed over, at least we think we do. We spend HOURS, sometimes day analyzing the entire relationship with our girlfriends. trying to make ourselves feel validated, feel better, seem like the better person in all of it. "You said that you could let it go, and I don't wanna catch you hung up on somebody that you used to know" Man we can be vindictive bitches. You broke up with us but how dare you be upset about it and think of us. Really? I am sure that somewhere down in the male brain and psyche they think about their ex-girlfriends. At least that is what we want to think. That they get all misty-eyed and sentimental and think, how could I have let her go??? Doubtful but you can't fault a girl for making herself feel better.
What men don't get is women need Closure. Closure to women isn't just taking down a picture, changing our profile picture on Facebook or heading to the gym. Closure to a woman is eradicating every trace of you from our lives. Unfriending you on Facebook. Burning things in some cases. Mailing your belongings back to you, making it though as you never even existed, and making our girlfriends take that solemn vow to never speak of you again, unless of course there is juicy news or details about the new slut you are dating!!!! Sorry guys, women don't take it well when you dump them, and if you feel bad, well, "Now you're just somebody that we used to Know"
I have two boys. I am sure if you have read this blog at all, or looked at the picture on the sidebar you know that, but I do. I love them to pieces. Big surprise since I am their mother and carried them each for nine months (About two weeks longer for the oldest) They are funny. They are loud. They burp and fart, which they think is hilarious. They are fascinated with things like Pokemon, Legos, Video games and Nerf Guns. They torture each other, and in turn me. They ask me about a zillion questions a day. They barge in without knocking. They tattle on each other constantly. (I have told them that unless someone drops the F Bomb or is bleeding I don't care) They cannot walk more than five steps without jumping or zig-zagging. All of these things I love about them. They are 11 and 4 and if I could I would keep them innocent and sweet forever but I can't.
I would like to shield them from the horrors of the world. I want them growing up to see the good in people. To be happy and positive. But most of all I just want them to be little boys for as long as they can. I don't let them watch much television outside of cartoons or educational programming. There are no Call of Duty or Grand Theft Auto type video games allowed in my house. The oldest is only allowed at certain people's houses. I am a little more lenient with music and books but I still don't let what they read or listen to go by without my approval. I listen to other kids talk about what they watch on TV and movies they go see and sometimes my oldest will ask me he can't. I know I asked the same question of my parents. I mean, I am 38 years old and just in the last couple of years saw the R rated version of Fast Times at Ridgemont High. It's not so much the sex and the violence and language (because Mama has a potty mouth) its that there is a whole lifetime of that stuff and I just want them to enjoy being kids.
My oldest just turned 11 yesterday and I can already see the seeds of rebellion planted. I know that he hears things at school, probably has a more colorful language than I know of, and if he is creative like I was watches TV shows or movies at other peoples houses. In two short years he will be in 7th grade, the age I was when I first tasted alcohol, which was purchased by a friends dad. He takes Sex ed this year in Science class, which should be interesting. I'll have to make sure and keep any materials he brings home away from the youngest, who would probably take it to preschool.
I know I can't keep them from the world, but while I can they are going to be kids, and enjoy the the things kids should, which is playing with toys, playing outside and riding bikes. I know I will have to give up control eventually which terrifies me but for now, sorry boys, you are under my thumb. Because as we all know......Mama knows it all!!
Because I think too much, (see two posts below) I was thinking of what truly makes me happy. I have been writing more to try and clear my head, so this is my unofficial list:
Sunshine * Evan and Owen * Seeing Friends* My Family * Happy people * Music* Talking* Dancing* Seeing the numbers drop on the scale * Smaller clothes * Coffee * Books * Driving with the window down * Telling Funny stories * being with people who love me * Going barefoot * Writing * Hearing good news about others * holding babies * the physical closeness of another person * Good grades from Evan * finding something I lost * Old Family pictures * Dogs * Listening to Owen tell a story * Making something with my own hands * Simplicity *
After I made this list I can see that there aren't many tangible things listed. Material things do not make me truly happy. I have always said I would rather live in a cardboard box and be truly happy than have everything in the world. The things that truly make me happy are not things at all but people and moments in life.
It's my own fault and I do it to myself every time. I think. And then I think some more, and somewhere along the line of my overthink my wild imagination takes over and I am in a panic. I have, in my mind a situation that is so out of control, so unfathomable that I am sure it's the truth. I have made a mistake. I totally Fu*&ed up, no fixing it now. And for days, it's all I can think about, over and over in my head, telling myself how stupid and worthless I am because of one stupid thing.
I can usually talk myself off the ledge, or I call my girls Rebecca and Tara and have them talk me down. And then I am fine. For days. And then it only takes one little thing to send me back into my tailspin.
I really need to learn to stop thinking. Someone suggested mediation but that would mean I would have to stop thinking and pretty sure that is impossible. I tried it once and just ended up thinking about all the things I could have been doing while I sat there trying to think about nothing. Unless I am sleeping (and then I have vivid dreams) my mind is going non-stop. What I am doing, what I need to do, what I would like to do, who I would like to see, where I would like to be, etc, etc, etc.
This is the the only time I wish I was more like a guy, because as we know, they never think about anything.....
Seriously girls, there is no such thing as Prince Charming. If you believe that then you probably also believe that you have a unicorn in your back yard. Guess what? There is also no such thing as happily ever after. I don't say this because I don't believe in love, or marriage. I do believe in those things. I just don't buy into the whole Disney version of happily ever after. I am not sitting around singing "someday my prince will come". I don't think Prince Charming is coming to sweep me off my feet and whisk me away to eternal happiness and neither should you.
I get annoyed at the women who think that eventually Prince Charming is just going to show up. At their doorstep. With their freakin
shoe. It's not going to happen. I don't care how many Disney movies
or romantic movies you have watched. The guy is not going to show up on
your doorstep in the middle of the night declaring his everlasting love
for you. If he does, he is probably a crazy stalker, because it's the
middle of the night!
I don't understand women who think they will only be happy with a man.
Ladies if you can't be happy by yourself, then you won't be happy with a
man. Prince Charming is not going to complete your life. You are
going to do that by becoming a complete person. A man is not going to
suddenly make your life perfect.
Contrary to what you think after reading that first paragraph, I'm not sitting here feeling sorry for myself. I am sure I will meet someone that I want to spend a long time (possibly forever) with.
I believe that two people meet, like each other, get along, be friends, have fun together, be there for each other, be lovers, be each others everything, drive each other crazy and
manage not to kill each other. If this is someone you marry,
fantastic. If this is someone you know and are with for a long time,
great. If it's someone you meet and have a short relationship with, so
be it.
Right now, I am living my life, and the more I live it and look at the people around me, the more I believe that a very small percentage of married people are truly happy and will last a long time. I know people who have good marriages, strong marriages that can withstand the turbulence and tragedy that some cannot. These people bring out the best and sometimes the worst in each other and work together to make their marriages/relationships strong. They are a team who together can get through anything. The problem becomes when only one person tries and the other person lets them do all the work. Too many people give up, I gave up but I tried for a very long time.
Love and true relationships are give
and take, equal parts of good and bad, and if you are thinking that
Prince Charming is going to make you exquisitely happy all on his own,
then you better go hop on that unicorn and ride away.
