Random Tuesday Thoughts

Its that time again.....Randomness of all sorts......yes, it's Random Thought Tuesday........hold on....

I'm pretty sure I have ADD now, I can't concentrate on anything....at all....in fact while writing this sentence I was jumping over to Pinterest laughing hysterically at really funny stuff......I blame my lack of concentration on my Smartphone....and my kids.......and the fact that I would rather be doing anything other than what I am supposed to be doing....you know besides the fact I have a million things on my mind like whether or not to uproot my children and move across the state....

I found my Twilight movie, yeah I know you didn't know it was lost...but it was and I was sad....guess what I will be watching tomorrow...

I am running Thursday......another 5K and I am hoping to improve on my last race time.....not only for personal satisfaction but also to rub it in to peoples faces who run slower than me and are mean to me/...

Sorry, just had to pull myself back away from Pinterest/Facebook

I have been on a serious 80's hair band binge recently....listening to Bon Jovi right now....

One of these days I am going to stand up and tell a couple people at work to Shut the F**k up, it's going to happen.....

Oops, just back from Pinterest

My fridge has undergone a huge transformation, there is not a speck of bad food in it.  The only thing remotely unhealthy are the Popsicles for the boys in the freezer, no more junk,  I am not letting the boys drink anymore sugary juice or pop, however their hypocrite mother still sneaks a pop from time to time.

I was in Tim Horton's today and some woman ordered a coffee with 8 creams and 10 sugars....Really?  Are you sure you wanted coffee?  I like creamer and yummy stuff but that isn't even coffee anymore

I still can't decide what to do about moving....it makes perfect sense and no sense all at once....I am afraid of making the wrong choice, I have very few reasons to stay and a million reasons to go....I feel like I have screwed up my children enough by getting divorced and don't want to do any more damage or make a complete and utter disastrous mistake......I wish someone would just tell me what to do.

I have to realize that no matter how much you need a reason why someone isn't in your life anymore, you just aren't going to get one and you have to just live with it.....you can't make people communicate or tell you why.....and it's not your fault so stop trying to figure out what you did wrong....

I wish it was as easy to break up with a girlfriend as it is a guy.  I really need to get out of some friendships that are just dragging me down.

I am in love with Instagram.......I was so sad when I lost my camera but with this little app I can make any picture I take with my phone look fantastic.....

I'm reading four books at once again.  Three fiction and one non-fiction and I guess if I read a chapter here and there of each I might be done by Fall....of course putting the phone down and staying off the puter would help

I am thankful every day that Steve Jobs created the Ipod...it has enabled me to miss several inane conversations at work.....

I need to go paint my toenails, tomorrow is flip flop day at work....you know Fun At Work....the clever ploy by our employer to trick us into thinking we are enjoying ourselves instead of realizing we should have stayed in college and gotten real jobs...

And last but not least, the last random thought in my head.....sitting here patiently waiting for someone to make a move or something because I am really not a mind reader and have no idea what's going on in their head....

Three day blur

Why do three day weekends go by so fast? They all so start out nice and easy then before you know it you are driving home in traffic with 10,000 other cars all racing to get home, cars unpacked, fall into bed then get up and go into work the next day.  Let me be clear: I DO NOT WANT TO GO TO WORK TOMORROW..  I need an extra day to catch up on this three day weekend and we were only gone away from home a little over 24 hours.  I should be in bed snoozing and of course I am not.  I will be crabby and cranky and tired in the morning, but it will be Tuesday which is closer to the weekend than when I start a normal week.

Avery and her Minions

 Owen is done with preschool, so it will be full days at daycare for him, to which he replied: "I don't want to take naps!"  I don't want naps either because without them he falls right asleep at night.  Tonight they fell asleep well but why wouldn't they have?  We had a very busy weekend

Watering Grandma's flowers

• Birthday party for a cute little 3 year old on Saturday.  Lots of swimming and running and swimming and cake and ice cream
• Church Sunday morning with a trip to the toy store after to "look around"
• Drove across the state that afternoon
• Played at Grandma and Papa's while Mama went shopping with Grandma (Mama got a new top and some yummy lotion from B&B Works-thanks Grandma)
• Cookout later 
• Ice cream on the way out to Aunt Erin's
• Playing till bedtime with Avery
• Awakened at 6:45 by the little ones (BOO)
• Evan went target shooting with Uncle John, (Best BIL Ever!!!!)
• Avery's Bday party - rescheduled from Sunday because she got the flu
• Driving back across the state

Anatomy of a Song

This song is everywhere. EVERYWHERE! Everyone has heard it in it's original form or one of the many knockoffs.  I first heard it about six months ago.  I was in the car and heard about the last half of it.  I never heard the title or artist but thanks to YouTube you can just put part of a song title in and usually get it.  When I first hear a song, especially one I like, I really listen to it, the words, the melody, the beat, the whole thing.  This one is particular had my attention.  I can usually listen to a song an apply it to either something past or present in my life.  Songs remind me of people, places, happenings, memories and because I listen to music so much sometimes that song becomes a part of that time in my life. When I associate a song with a happy time in my life, or a person then that person is gone, I can't listen to that song anymore. 

This is the perfect break-up song.  Not  because listening to it makes you feel better but because it perfectly embodies what men and women do once broken up.

Let's start with him:  He's happy, then he's not and he decides to be done. "I told myself that you were right for me, but felt so lonely in your company, but that was love and that's an ache I still remember"  which means, I love you but not enough, and don't want to be around you anymore. Once guys are done, they are done.  I have never been able to understand how they can just shut it off , compartmentalize and move on.  Next verse: " So when we found that we could not make sense. well you said that we could still be friends, but I'll admit that I was glad it was over" Translation:  Thanks for shouldering the responsibility and saying we can be friends. Now I can just walk away and not feel bad about breaking your heart. And my favorite, the ever so lovely chorus "But you didn't have to cut me out, make it like it never happened as though we were nothing, I don't even need your love but you treat me like a stranger and that feels so rough"   Aww, poor you,  you don't need our love but it hurts your feelings that we want to cut you right out of our lives. Guess what?  Girls, Women cannot be friends, not right away and sometimes not ever.   Women invest more energy and time and when it ends, we end up apologizing, for being the one more in love.  Signals get crossed, feelings get crushed and people feel like stupid idiots for feeling that way, and one person, Men or Women, get to walk off thinking that you can still be friends while the other party shoulders the blame or resentment. No way should you get to feel good about this pal.

Women don't get off easy in this either. We are no picnic ourselves.   Let's dissect:  "Now and then I think of all the times you screwed me over"  I love that line.  We always get screwed over, at least we think we do.  We spend HOURS, sometimes day analyzing the entire relationship with our girlfriends. trying to make ourselves feel validated, feel better, seem like the better person in all of it.  "You said that you could let it go, and I don't wanna catch you hung up on somebody that you used to know"  Man we can be vindictive bitches.  You broke up with us but how dare you be upset about it and think of us.  Really?  I am sure that somewhere down in the male brain and psyche they think about their ex-girlfriends.  At least that is what we want to think.  That they get all misty-eyed and sentimental and think, how could I have let her go???  Doubtful but you can't fault a girl for making herself feel better.

What men don't get is women need Closure.  Closure to women isn't just taking down a picture, changing our profile picture on Facebook or heading to the gym. Closure to a woman is eradicating every trace of you from our lives.  Unfriending you on Facebook.  Burning things in some cases.  Mailing your belongings back to you, making it though as you never even existed, and making our girlfriends take that solemn vow to never speak of you again, unless of course there is juicy news or details about the new slut you are dating!!!!  Sorry guys, women don't take it well when you dump them, and if you feel bad, well, "Now you're just somebody that we used to Know"

Snips and snails and puppy dog tails

I have two boys.  I am sure if you have read this blog at all, or looked at the picture on the sidebar you know that, but I do.  I love them to pieces.  Big surprise since I am their mother and carried them each for nine months (About two weeks longer for the oldest)  They are funny.  They are loud.  They burp and fart, which they think is hilarious.  They are fascinated with things like Pokemon, Legos, Video games and Nerf Guns.  They torture each other, and in turn me.  They ask me about a zillion questions a day.  They barge in without knocking.  They tattle on each other constantly.  (I have told them that unless someone drops the F Bomb or is bleeding I don't care)  They cannot walk more than five steps without jumping or zig-zagging.  All of these things I love about them.  They are 11 and 4 and if I could I would keep them innocent and sweet forever but I can't.

I would like to shield them from the horrors of the world.  I want them growing up to see the good in people.  To be happy and positive.  But most of all I just want them to be little boys for as long as they can.  I don't let them watch much television outside of cartoons or educational programming.  There are no Call of Duty or Grand Theft Auto type video games allowed in my house.  The oldest is only allowed at certain people's houses.  I am a little more lenient with music and books but I still don't let what they read or listen to go by without my approval.   I listen to other kids talk about what they watch on TV and movies they go see and sometimes my oldest will ask me he can't. I know I asked the same question of my parents.  I mean, I am 38 years old and just in the last couple of years saw the R rated version of Fast Times at Ridgemont High.  It's not so much the sex and the violence and language (because Mama has a potty mouth) its that there is a whole lifetime of that stuff and I just want them to enjoy being kids. 

My oldest just turned 11 yesterday and I can already see the seeds of rebellion planted.  I know that he hears things at school, probably has a more colorful language than I know of, and if he is creative like I was watches TV shows or movies at other peoples houses.  In two short years he will be in 7th grade, the age I was when I first tasted alcohol, which was purchased by a friends dad.    He takes Sex ed this year in Science class, which should be interesting.  I'll have to make sure and keep any materials he brings home away from the youngest, who would probably take it to preschool. 

I know I can't keep them from the world, but while I can they are going to be kids, and enjoy the the things kids should, which is playing with toys, playing outside and riding bikes.  I know I will have to give up control eventually which terrifies me but for now, sorry boys, you are under my thumb.  Because as we all know......Mama knows it all!!

If you're happy and you know it clap your hands...

Because I think too much, (see two posts below)  I was thinking of what truly makes me happy.  I have been writing more to try and clear my head, so this is my unofficial list:

Sunshine * Evan and Owen * Seeing Friends* My Family * Happy people * Music* Talking* Dancing* Seeing the numbers drop on the scale * Smaller clothes * Coffee * Books * Driving with the window down * Telling Funny stories * being with people who love me * Going barefoot * Writing * Hearing good news about others * holding babies * the physical closeness of another person * Good grades from Evan * finding something I lost * Old Family pictures * Dogs * Listening to Owen tell a story * Making something with my own hands * Simplicity *

After I made this list I can see that there aren't many tangible things listed.  Material things do not make me truly happy.  I have always said I would rather live in a cardboard box and be truly happy than have everything in the world.  The things that truly make me happy are not things at all but people and moments in life.

Wordless Wednesday

These two babies are what keeps me going every day...

The power of overthinking

It's my own fault and I do it to myself every time.  I think. And then I think some more, and somewhere along the line of my overthink my wild imagination takes over and I am in a panic.  I have, in my mind a situation that is so out of control, so unfathomable that I am sure it's the truth.  I have made a mistake.  I totally Fu*&ed up, no fixing it now.  And for days, it's all I can think about, over and over in my head, telling myself how stupid and worthless I am because of one stupid thing.

I can usually talk myself off the ledge, or I call my girls Rebecca and Tara and have them talk me down.  And then I am fine.  For days.  And then it only takes one little thing to send me back into my tailspin.

I really need to learn to stop thinking.  Someone suggested mediation but that would mean I would have to stop thinking and pretty sure that is impossible.  I tried it once and just ended up thinking about all the things I could have been doing while I sat there trying to think about nothing.  Unless I am sleeping (and then I have vivid dreams) my mind is going non-stop.  What I am doing, what I need to do, what I would like to do, who I would like to see, where I would like to be, etc, etc, etc.

This is the the only time I wish I was more like a guy, because as we know, they never think about anything.....