I started this post on Thursday and here it is Friday again. I meant to finish it up yesterday but I keep getting sidetracked. I just can't think, my mind is so jumbled up right now that if any of this makes sense by the time I am done it will be a miracle, in fact if you are still reading this and haven't thought I am rambling and make no sense and just closed the page, then thank you for still being here.
Let me just say I had the most Fantastic day and the worst day all in one. And just for reference my fantastic part had nothing to do with the worst part.
Fantastic because I got to spend time with a really cool guy whose company I thoroughly enjoy. I had the best dinner and even though I think I talked wayyyyy too much I think he had fun too. I really could expound on this subject but I know he is going to read this and I don't want to give him an inflated ego! All I am going to say it's taking getting used to, this being treated nicely thing, I have to keep telling myself I deserve it, but am just afraid to.
Now lets get to the worst part. Before about 8:30 tonight I would have said the worst part was the unpleasant nastiness I have to deal with on a daily basis at work. However that all seems quite trivial after the phone call I got. I found out tonight that my friend, my dear sweet beautiful friend lost her daughter in a terrible accident. This beautiful creature was only 19 years old, I was there the day she was born, I remember her as a bouncy blonde 5 year old and even though I haven't really seen her much in the past few years I kept up with her and her mom on Facebook. It's 1:10 right now and there is no way I can sleep. Every day we hear about the terrible accidents that happen and shudder and say that poor mother, I feel so bad for her. But we are done a minute later because we don't know them and it doesn't affect us, but this does affect me. This girl was her mother's life. They looked like sisters. She was so talented, and beautiful. She was a sister, a daughter, a friend and right now its easy to be pissed at God for taking such a unique spirit from this world.. That is the part of my faith that I struggle with the most, that things like this are "God's plan" If God really knew her then he wouldn't have taken her away. As a mother, I would be irate if someone told me it was God's plan to take my child from this earth. All I can now is pray for her mom and her brother and her step-dad and try and be there in any way possible for them.
I will remember July 5 2012 forever for two very different reasons....one good and one bad