I know they say you are as young as you feel.....fine then I will stay 32 forever. Actually I look and ten times better than I have in the last 17 or 18 years so I guess there is that I truly feel young, and I know I don't act my age. (that probably isn't a good thing to admit)
But really, think back to when you were 20. What did 40 look like to you?
To me it looked like this: Being married, kids, jobs, dogs, happy, living the white picket dream.
What it really looks like: Divorced, kids, job, two annoying cats, yes I am happy, exhausted, stressed, holding it together with a smile. (and no boyfriend, thanks Jeff for breaking up with me six weeks before my birthday)
The other part I don't like about being 40 is I don't feel like I have done ANYTHING. I haven't gone anywhere cool. I've never even been out of the country. I haven't done anything significant I guess. At least to me. I feel like I have wasted the first 40 years of my life being boring, and safe and somewhat comfortable. Why? I have always had some excuse. Kids, no time, no money. So now I feel this pressure to start doing things. I need to go somewhere far away. I need to finish school. I need to get another tattoo, I need to sign up for a half marathon. I need to learn new things. I need to feed the starving children in Africa.
No, it's not a midlife crisis, so you over there in the corner looking down your nose at me, you can give it a rest. And what does that mean anyway? When people say that I imagine the quintessential balding man in his 40's dumping the family for an earring, hot rod and trophy wife. Well, worry not, I have no desire to be younger, I am not going to start wearing inappropriate clothing, pretending to be 25 and trying to hunt down a younger man. (35 is the lowest I will go). I have seen that and let me assure you, it's not pretty and that will not be me.
I just don't want to get to 80 and look back and think---I should have done more with my life, because that is how I feel right now, how did I get to 40 and not feel like I have accomplished anything much at all.