It's been exactly two months since I have written anything. My head hurts, and it's hurt for a very long time. I sometimes think when I don't write and get it all out, it piles up and has nowhere to go. Maybe getting it out will help. And if it doesn't it will at least make anyone who read this feel better about themselves. So what has been happening the last two months What has this mama been doing? Funny you should ask.Because most days it's this:
Working......at least for about 28 more days. The end is finally near and every day it becomes harder to tear myself out of bed, put on dress clothes and point my car in the direction of a place I once loved to work. Attempting to get through eight hours is now becoming a heinous chore in which my head aches, my eye twitches and every other word in my head is WTF. I only pray it gets better for the people I leave behind.
Kids......the fact that I feel like the worst mother ever right now is probably one of the reasons my head is pounding on a daily basis. Kid A will not listen to me and his attitude is just ridiculous. Kid B has developed this affection for screaming at the top of his lungs when he is told no or cannot have something.....he is six. This is the behavior of a toddler. They both constantly pick and fight with each other. I love my children to death, but some days I don't like them very much. My only saving grace is this behavior is reserved for only me. Teachers, daycare providers, other parents, anyone that is not me, gets all the good and I get the crap. Even their dad gets cooperation and decent children. But according to the long line of mothers who have been there before me....this too shall pass.
School....This is the one constant in my life. I love school. I don't know why it has taken me this long to go back. Right now it's only two classes. I have done well on tests. Each class has a group project....I loathe group projects, but no finals. It's a toss-up. I'd almost rather endure a 100 question final exam then depend on five other people for 30% of my grade. I am super excited about being a full time student in a matter of weeks.
So that is it. Work, kids and school. Yeah. Living the rock star life. I know you're jealous. You wish you could drag yourself to a job you hate, home to kids who seem to hate you and then work school into that mix. Doesn't it sound like heaven? I am making myself depressed just writing. this. Oh and let's add the holidays to this. When I pray at night I have been praying for just a day with no tears and yelling. Just one day.
So I just do what I always do. I put on a happy face, I smile and listen to music to keep my sanity, and I just keep thinking to myself,: One day it will get better, one day it will get better, one day it will get better. And in the meantime, I just keep saying Proverbs 31:25 to try and keep myself sane.