Thursday, September 5, 2013

Treat her right

One of my many jobs as a mother of boys is to teach them how we treat people.  Being divorced I can't depend on their dad to take up any slack on this and the fact that the way he treated me was a major factor in why our marriage failed....this just solidifies the fact that the job falls on my shoulders.

Daily I try and show them in my actions and words.  I say please and thank you to everyone.  They have never seen me lose it with anyone directly.  I may have raised my voice once or twice or been stern to get a point across but never acted like a fool or disrespectful.  Once we have left the situation I may have gotten upset or explained to them how frustrated I am but never in front of the person.  We are pleasant to everyone.  They hold doors.  They wait and let ladies, and elders in ahead of them.    

It's basically like this.  Be nice, be polite.  Life is too short to get mad about everything.  Save  it for the big stuff and let the little things go.  Some people are having a bad day and you can make them smile by being nice.  Common sense stuff I think.

My oldest is Twelve.  Girls are starting to enter the picture.  Though he won't tell me outright, he likes them a lot.  As much as I want him to stay a little boy forever it's just not happening.  He is almost taller than me, his voice is doing that cool Peter Brady trick and he is looking more like a man every day.

Before I know it there will be a girlfriend.  Probably the two-week variety like we all had in junior high, but before long, one might stick, and like I said, the treat a woman right talk is only going to come from me...so what do I say?????

Treat her like a lady. Hold doors....all doors.  Give her your coat when she looks cold.  Carry her books or backpack.  Talk to her every day.  Treat her with respect.  Compliment her, Listen to her.

That's all good for now.  But I want these boys to grown into good men who love God and know the right way to treat a woman.  So from some of my personal experiences I would tell him this once he is older

Don' t tell a woman you love her if you don't--- The fastest way to tear apart anyone's self-worth is to tell them you love them because you think that is what they want to hear. If you don't love her, don't stay with her out of obligation or comfort.  Letting a relationship carry on too long will end up destroying one of you.

Don't use women. Look, once in our lives we will use, be used or witness someone being used.  It happens, it's a fact of life.  But don't do it more than once.  Just because some girl/woman would probably do anything for you doesn't mean she should be at your beckon-call.  It may feel good to know there is someone who would do anything for you but if you don't love her and can't treat her right, you aren't being a man.

Don't tell her what you thinks she wants to hear.  Don't tell her you will do something or be something you never intend to do.  Don't pacify her with words.  Show up, be present and do what you say you will.

Treat her like she is the only woman in the world.  If you can't give her your full attention,  if you are talking to other women. flirting with other women, you don't need to be with her.

Find out as much as you can about what she likes and what interests her.  It's not all about you.

Be respectful to her friends and family.  Respect any rules her parents have set. Get to know her family and friends.

Talk to her.  Call, text. send a smoke signal but don't tell her you will call her and then don't. If you are busy tell her, but don't ignore her.

Her opinions, thoughts, dreams and future matter just as much as yours.  Don't undervalue anything she has to say or make her feel like she doesn't matter. She is your equal. She should be your best friend

Be respectful.  Don't brag to your buddies.  Don't dis her to people.  Don't discuss your private conversations.

Right now if I were to discuss this with him he would either roll his eyes or exit stage right as fast as humanly possible.  All I can do is keep reiterating this to him.  Treat people right.  Treat women right.  Be a good man.  Be a Godly man.  Over and over and over.  I would say treat any woman like you would your mother but he can be such a butt to me sometimes I think I will save that little gem.

At least with the little one I have a few years......he is still positive girls are gross and have cooties......

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