Monday, April 22, 2013

The Song never ends

Let me tell you one thing, if I know you for very long, if you mean anything to me at all, you will eventually have a song (or songs) attached to you.  Certain songs belong to certain people and always will.  Song lyrics are a story and stories are words.  The words and music together, can make an incredible memory.  Happy, sad or indifferent.

Sometimes, the perfect song comes along.  Perfect for the situation, perfect for the person.  When I hear it, if its a good thing I listen to it over and over and over again.  If it's bad I can't dive for off button fast enough, and long after it's over the song can stop me dead in my tracks and make me remember.

Flashback 2011: 

Kenny Chesney can write a damn good song.  They are fun, they are sweet and this one, well this one was perfect

"You and Tequila make me crazy. Run like poison in my blood.  One more night could kill me baby."

I remember texting him and telling him I found the perfect song that describes us.  He agreed.  It was so good at that point.  I could not hear that song enough.  I immediately downloaded on my iPod and probably played it a thousand times.

"30 days and 30 nights, been putting up a real good fight, there were times I'd thought you'd win"

Except there was no fight.  I was completely helpless to fight.He always won.    The sound of my phone going off sent me scurrying and the hours spent on the phone joking, laughing and planning made me feel like I never had before.

"One is one too many, one more is never enough"

There was never enough.  Not enough time.  Not enough weekends.  Too much space between us.  I would have driven to the ends of the earth to see him and at that point I knew I was in trouble and I didn't care.  Drive two hours to spend eight and drive two back home? Sure why not.  We both made the drive any time we could.

"When it comes to you , all the damage I could do, it's always your favorite sins, that do you in."

Truer words were never spoken.  Although we had this agreement, that is was just a fun thing, I had somewhere around three months in forgotten about that and let myself ever so slightly believe differently.  My sins did me in.  Damage was done.  And hard.  When it was over I was devastated.  It was really no fault of his, I had broken the rules, the ones I set.  I just kept playing the good parts over and over in my head, trying to figure out if I had imagined it all, I know I hadn't.  Not the I Love Yous even though I always called him a liar when he said it.  Not the most tender way he kissed my neck or the way he held me until I fell asleep.

I won't lie.... I cried for days, I over-thought it.  I know I drove my girlfriends crazy.  I was pissed.  At myself for doing what I said I wouldn't and at him for being able to walk away so easy.  I hated this damn song.  I nearly ran off the road one day when it came on the radio.  I took it off my iPod.  I cursed Kenny Chesney for singing it.

Now, a year later, I can listen to it.  It makes me think of him, it's always going to.  I don't hate him, I've know him too long to hate him.  It made me stronger.  It made me realize what I should be looking for.  I don't regret it for a minute.  It was exactly what I needed at that time.

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