I have been single for five years now. Not completely single, I was in two longish relationships, a couple shorter ones, about 25 crappy dates, a handful of great ones and too many questionable choices. It has been interesting to say the least. Because of all of this there has been a great many conversations about the aforementioned forays. Mostly with my girlfriends and sisters and few select friends. I have talked to co-workers and on occasion total and complete strangers.
Being single is almost like being pregnant. Most people aren't. Some have been and almost everyone has an opinion. Over this time frame I have had some astounding conversations, been on the receiving end of good and bad advice and subject to the offhand, rude, or off-color comment.
The following are the most common things people say to me and at this point I am either annoyed or amused. Most have good intentions but just like the expectant mother who just wants to have her baby without a litany of advice and old-wives tales, I too just want people to let it go.
1. I don't understand why you're still single.
Often followed up w
ith "You're so pretty, smart, wonderful" whichever adjective you want to describe me with, I have heard it all. I know all of this. Your guess is as good as mine. I have my own theories which we have discussed in previous posts and my newest one which will be posted in the next day or so. My only reply to say to that is; Get in line, I don't get it either. It's basically the $65,000 question and no one has the answer to it. Oh wait but they do....
2. It will happen when you least expect it
Really? Will Prince Charming fall out of my apple tree? Jump out of my closet? Is he hovering nearby waiting for the precise moment for me to give up on the thought that there is one single, decent man in this world only to jump out and shower me in confetti and yell "Surprise, here I am" If you aren't sure, that is sarcasm. I gave up expecting a great guy a long time ago. I am not looking out my window waiting for my prince to gallop up on white steed or harbor the saccharin romantic movie fantasy that we will bump into each other on the street, our eyes lock and fall in love surrounded by a crappy soundtrack. It doesn't happen. If it happens when I least expect it, it will probably be some sort of kidnapping and please call the police.
3. Maybe you are just too picky
This is one one of my personal favorites. Yes I am picky. You would be too if you were married to a verbally abusive semi-sociopath. I have gotten my priorities straight and because my kids come first for now I am extremely picky on what qualities I will accept in a man. I am sure I could have a boyfriend if I wanted one, yet if I just settled for whatever swirled about I wouldn't be any further ahead than what I was five years ago. I have standards people and they are set a tad high. I don't really care about money. Looks are somewhat important but chemistry, decency, honesty are things I am not going to settle for. If it's not there and our values are not aligned I am not wasting my time.
4. Maybe you just need to put yourself out there more
You mean wearing my single girl sandwich board and ringing my bell aren't enough? I have toyed with the idea of buying one of those signs at Costco...the ones that flash neon and say OPEN FOR BUSINESS. Do you think that will work???? Please. I have done the online dating thing. Spectacular fail with the exception of one guy. I am as outgoing as they come. I am not going to meet anyone decent at a bar. My church is full of married men, or the single ones are nowhere near my age range. School....ditto. Work? Doubtful, but you never know. I am involved in a number of things where potential single men gather. It just hasn't happened. People know I am single. They want to set me up constantly. I don't wear any type of ring. If a guy doesn't have the kahones to ask me out or get to know me then it's his loss. I am done advertising,
By now some of you are sitting there, legs crossed and lips pursed because you know, YOU KNOW you have said one or more of these things to me. Stop. Don't get all offended and self-righteous on me. Those that are my true friends know my struggles and stories and idiot mistakes that I have made and continue to make. I appreciate the shoulders to cry and laugh on. The pep talks and the anecdotes, the good advice and the texts that brighten my day when I want to chuck it all and become a nun.