Wednesday, May 29, 2013

Stuck---in a Blender

Sometimes I think this must be what it feels like to be stuck in the eye of a tornado.  Standing still, completely calm inside, all the while watching everything I own, everything I love, everything I know swirling all around me and not being able to do anything but stand and watch.

I don't like this feeling.......

Right now there is not one thing in my life that is for certain...

I have a job, but I may not have a job by the end of the year....

I want to go back to school but don't know how I can unless I don't have a job....

I have an incredible guy in my life but I am not sure where it's going.....

If I don't have a job then do I move back home?  Or stay here and try and make things work?

This stinks

What I have been doing is a whole lot of praying. Talking to God and asking for direction.  I hear all the time about people who pray for direction, for answers, and they get them and make these life changing decisions.  So far I haven't heard much.  I haven't stopped praying but I also haven't stopped worrying and feeling trapped in this blender.

Sometimes I wish God's plan would come in a nicely written letter waiting for me in my mailbox.  Any chance of that happening???

This is what I do know:

I have an intense desire to do something acutely different with my life.  My focus as far as my "career" or a job is pulling me into a complete opposite direction than any I have ever thought about

I want to go back to school badly.  I feel like I have wasted half my life wishing that I had finished school.

The guy?? Yeah I really want that to work.

I have control over nothing in my life, and as easy-going as I am it's not a feeling I enjoy.

 I want to wake up and have everything set down in it's place, calm, sunny and not a hair out of place.    

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