Oh yeah, I have a blog. I remember now. I was going to write a new, witty, inspirational post at least once, maybe twice a week. It's November 1st. My last post was September 17th. I'd like to say I have been oh so busy, a flurry of social activity and events that have kept me busy, but sadly no. I'm just a lazy slacker.
So back to the post title. Thankful Thursday. Being it's November and in about three weeks we will be sitting around a table eating a bird and watching football, I figured I might as well start this month off with some brutal honesty about what I am truly thankful for. Not the cute, smarmy, Hallmark, "I love my family and kids and the people who lift me up" stuff, but the God's honest truth.
So here goes nothing:
1. My Brain. Yes, my brain. Yes, I know we all have one but some of us out there use it as a hat rack instead of what it was intended for, which is to think. Using my brain allows me to expand my knowledge, allows me to have full use of my free will, and make my own decisions. I don't freak out at the drop of a hat if I can't figure something out (usually) and can use said brain to make an informed decision about how I should proceed. I like being smart, knowing more than I should, and keeping people on their toes.
2. My Cynicism. OK, so that isn't always a good thing, but over the years I have adapted a cynical outlook on the world in general, I call it my BS filter. I can still see the good in the world, in people, but I am also good at spotting the liars, jerks, creeps and people who are just looking to use you up and spit you out. I wish I had the sunny, everyone is happy, lets all hold hands and sing disposition that some people have but I just don't. Call it experience, call it being jaded. I call it being smart and safe. If you are genuinely someone that warrants my time and I want in my life you will know it, and you will see the sweet sunshiney side of me.
3. My Honest Friends. You know who you are ladies....you are the ones who keep me in check. The ones who aren't afraid to tell me if I am doing something dumb, tell me how it really is and what I should really do. There are no pretty pictures painted here. No rainbows and puppy dogs. No Cinderella stories. We are brutally honest and blunt, and risk pissing each other off in the process but in the end,these are the women who have my back and can trust with my deepest, darkest secrets, my most random idiotic thoughts, and my sanity.
4. My Problems. Yes, my problems. Let's see, I'm broke, like flat busted broke. My kids are determined to send me to the psych ward any day now, I miss my parents and family horribly and there are days when I am sure that the end of my rope burned up in my hands. There are people at work who are hell bent on making my life miserable because they are, and I may or may not have a job in the next six months or so. HOWEVER, being broke has forced me to get very creative, realize I don't need half the crap I have and enjoy the free things in life. My kids make me want to be a better person every day and try my damnedest to be strong and show them how to be good, responsible people. My feelings of helplessness have brought me back to God. I knew there was something missing in my life, something I tried to fill with other things, and deep down I knew that I had cut out God and I needed to turn back to him. I can't explain it, its different for everyone, and I don't feel like I am a better person because of it, I feel more complete within myself.