This is what I wanna do

So it's January 31st.  A little late for so-called resolutions.  Not too late for goals.  I have eleven more months to do something with 2012.  I feel like I let 2011 down.  Sure I did some fun stuff, I worked hard on some things, but I don't feel like I did enough.  I have been home for about 5 days with a sick kid so I have had PLENTY of time to think, which is one thing I shouldn't have.  My mind is dangerous when it's idle and has too much time, and I end up worrying and making myself sick.  So this is what I have come up with so far:

1. Run a half-marathon:  I say run jokingly, run/walk is more like it.  I did the 10 mile Crim last year so what's and extra few miles right?  Also I am bumping up my races, no more wimpy 5k's, when possible I am doing the 10K's.  I also need to work on my mental block when it comes to running, my body can do it longer than my mind let's me and I need to break that.  


2.  Get stupid skinny:  OK, let me clarify, I am not on a goal to be a stick, I have never been tiny, I have hips and a booty and always will but I have been fat for so long I want to get as low as I possibly can.  And I am not doing anything unhealthy or dangerous, I eat OK.  Just lots of more exercise and cutting out crap, which would be fine if I could stop going to McDonald's for Coke.  I want my tight body back that I had in high school.

3.  Go on a date:  Seriously, I have been divorced over a year, separated for two, Not one freakin date.  I am beginning to feel like Molly Ringwald in Sixteen Candles, like a disease.  I don't really want a boyfriend but can a girl get taken out to dinner or something????? 

4.  Go on a trip by myself: I have always had this fantasy of getting in my car and just driving, windows down, music blaring, hot sun beating down. Stopping in different places and just basically going no particular place. Stopping when I want, sleeping when I want, eating when I want.  

5.  Take my oldest to a cool concert:  I am so glad my children like the same music I do.  My oldest is as addicted to his Ipod as I am to mine. It's hard to explain the feeling I have for music.  It's on constantly in the house and the car.   I have introduced them to the Beatles, Led Zeppelin, Simon and Garfunkel and the Beastie Boys all with raging success.  I don't care how far we have to drive, I am taking him to something cool this summer.  We are hoping and praying that The Avett Brothers or Mumford and Sons come within a three state distance to us!   


I have a million other things to do this year, projects to finish, places to go, books to read, movies to watch, people to entertain, but these are my top five.  This will probably keep me busy enough so I don't have too much time to thing about what I really want.....

What a difference a year makes!

I 'm not exactly sure what happened except that I woke up one day about a year ago and thought "when did I let myself get this fat?"  Between two kids and the stress of a marriage gone bad, I had just stopped trying.  My divorce was final one year ago today and I realized that I had gotten myself back part of the way, but needed to come back full circle.

I started Weight Watchers last February against my will with my friend Jen.  I wanted to lose weight but hated the idea of keeping track of every single thing I put in my mouth.  The first go round I only lost 9 pounds.  But I had also added Zumba to the mix and that was helping.    The next 13 weeks I lost about 15 more pounds and started running.  Running is something I never thought I would do.  I have these acid flashbacks of high school basketball practice and a sadistic basketball coach who thought nothing of having us run a mile before and after practice in addition to the running during.  With the help of some great people, some who I met during Zumba or running races I am only 20 pounds away from goal. 

I want this bad.  I feel like the Heather I used to be a long time ago.  Not just because I am thinner, but because I feel like a person again.   I truly hated myself and when I look at pictures from the last 10 years I want to burn them.  Losing weight isn't just physical, it's mental because unless you have ever been "fat"  you have no idea what it is to look at yourself in the mirror and despise what you see.  

I will do this........