Who the Hell are you and why do you keep looking at me?

That is exactly what I say to myself when I look in the mirror everyday. Who is this person and why the hell does she look like that. Ok to be fair, I have always kind of felt like that. You know the low self-esteem issues I have had since elementary school, but still. Something has got to change. I need more sleep. I need a better diet. I need to LOSE WEIGHT! That is the biggest thing. I am really fat right now. Fatter than I have been unless I was pregnant. I have never been skinny. Except maybe until I was about 8 1/2 and puberty hit, or about a year in high school when I was playing sports, and even then I thought I was fat. This is ridiculous though. There is no excuse for it. I really don't think I overeat. I have never been one to eat an entire bag of chips, or a whole container of ice cream. I don't wake up and eat in the middle of the night. I love fruits and vegetables. I drink water.

Part of my problem is I sit on my ass all day at work. I am tied to my desk because I answer phones all day long. I try and get outside and walk when I can but for one, it's the middle of winter and for another I work in Downtown Flint. Soooo, unless someone is with me I am not walking very far. My goal is to be thinner, not thin, because unless I quit eating altogether and work out 23 hours a day, I will never be thin. It's just not in my genes. I want to look like this.
OK, I want to look like that minus the booze. This picture was taken when I was 19 and I know I will never look like that again but I would like to have this body back

But right now I look like this.
It's not pretty. I am starting to have visions of some of my great aunt's on my dad's side of the family. Wonderful women but their hips and butts went on for miles.

OK, enough complaining for tonight, I am going to do some crunches and hopefully not break anything, wish me luck!