The Great Binky/Bottle Debate

Since the dawn of time, OK not dawn of time, but since children have had binks and bottles, mothers everywhere have pondered the question- when do I wretch these items out of my child's hands and mouths forever? With my first on the bottle was gone by the time he was 16 months and the bink by the time he was three. The bottle was a non-issue, that only took a day. The bink I finally just banished when I saw him stuffing two in his mouth at the same time.

My youngest is almost 18 months old and he still has both. He is very much a creature of habit. He knows when its time for his bath then his bottle. He will scream like a banshee for his bottle. He screams if he can't find his bink. He can drink just fine out of a sippy cup but he prefers milk in the bottle. My pediatrician recommended that we get rid of the bottle by 15 months. I didn't mention it at his last appointment and she never brought it up so I felt OK. I know I need to take it away but I just can't. It's so nice to snuggle with him in the morning when he has it, watching his little mouth wrap around the bottle like a baby calf. My other excuse is the other little guy at day care still has his so I couldn't possibly take Owen's away. He loves his bottle, and since this is more than likely my last baby I want to let him have it as long as possible

The bink also is not a big deal for me, like I said my oldest had his till age 3, and it wasn't all the time then, just naps and bedtimes. This little baby however would keep his in his mouth 24/7, and since he is teething, I don't even have the heart to take it away. Look how adorable he is, how could anyone possibly take anything away from such a beautiful boy?

Who the Hell are you and why do you keep looking at me?

That is exactly what I say to myself when I look in the mirror everyday. Who is this person and why the hell does she look like that. Ok to be fair, I have always kind of felt like that. You know the low self-esteem issues I have had since elementary school, but still. Something has got to change. I need more sleep. I need a better diet. I need to LOSE WEIGHT! That is the biggest thing. I am really fat right now. Fatter than I have been unless I was pregnant. I have never been skinny. Except maybe until I was about 8 1/2 and puberty hit, or about a year in high school when I was playing sports, and even then I thought I was fat. This is ridiculous though. There is no excuse for it. I really don't think I overeat. I have never been one to eat an entire bag of chips, or a whole container of ice cream. I don't wake up and eat in the middle of the night. I love fruits and vegetables. I drink water.

Part of my problem is I sit on my ass all day at work. I am tied to my desk because I answer phones all day long. I try and get outside and walk when I can but for one, it's the middle of winter and for another I work in Downtown Flint. Soooo, unless someone is with me I am not walking very far. My goal is to be thinner, not thin, because unless I quit eating altogether and work out 23 hours a day, I will never be thin. It's just not in my genes. I want to look like this.
OK, I want to look like that minus the booze. This picture was taken when I was 19 and I know I will never look like that again but I would like to have this body back

But right now I look like this.
It's not pretty. I am starting to have visions of some of my great aunt's on my dad's side of the family. Wonderful women but their hips and butts went on for miles.

OK, enough complaining for tonight, I am going to do some crunches and hopefully not break anything, wish me luck!

The Randomness of being Random

I don't have anything spectacular or mind-boggling to report. No insightful topic to discuss. Not much going on in my life and sometimes that is a good thing. So here is just a random, update on my humble little life:

I think I got food poisoning on Monday. The only place I ate was Qdoba and that is one of my favorite places to go. I had taken Evan shopping with me and we stopped there for lunch then about two hours later in Meijers I started to feel a little funky. I will spare you the gory details but it went downhill from there. I stayed in bed most of yesterday but am finally feeling better.

I think that my stomach illness is going to help me jump start some kind of diet. I don't want to eat anything right now so hopefully I can just eat small amounts and stick to it for awhile.

Things are pretty good on the home front right now. We are treating each other better, and I am being more vocal about some of the things that come out of his mouth.

I don't know why I get surprised when I get stabbed in the back by people who I think are friends or are someone I can trust. I shared some information with a co-worker last week and thought it would help her out and it was agreed she wouldn't discuss with anyone else. Well guess what? I came into work today and another co-worker said she was discussing it while I was out yesterday. When will I Learn? No one can be trusted.

I took Evan to see Paul Blart-Mall Cop on Friday and it's very funny. Very family-friendly. He really liked it and wants the movie when it comes out on DVD, which I had to remind him could be several months.

I finally finished the Twilight series. I am really hoping she is going to continue this series but with the last book at 759 pages, not sure I could handle more. It was easy to read but too much content sometimes. I found myself skipping paragraphs that I knew were just descriptions and not essential to the storyline.

I did not watch any of the inauguration yesterday. Besides feeling like dog-poo I just wasn't into it. Still not impressed with him and ok fine yes he is the first black president but the whole thing seemed a little anti-climatic. The pomp and circumstance of the swearing in of our 44th president turned into a tacky Hollywood production. We don't even know if this guy can lead out country but people are acting as if this is the second coming of Christ. Seriously it's a sad state of affairs when there are whole news articles dedicated to his wife's attire.

I cannot wait till SPRING! I hate winter with every fiber of my being. I don't think it's fun or pretty. There is nothing to do outside other than stomp around, yes I know we can sled or build snowment but unless it's 30 degrees and sunny forget it.

I really need to get my poop in a group, if you will and get going on some crafting. I got a Cricut for Christmas, the big one, and I don't even have it out of the box yet! I mean seriously, one of the most coveted crafting items and I haven't even looked at it! Also I need to just make some time to start quiting again. I have the quilt top my Great-Aunt gave me and I told myself I would start it after the new year.

Ok, nothing earth-shattering but that is all I have today. All I can say is maybe I will have some kind of experience or epiphany by tomorrow

But what about what I think

Thursday was the second counseling session. Darren went too. Now before you get all excited and say great, let me tell you he was there against his will. Maybe most men are. He basically told me Monday that he would give in and go , basically so I would shut up about it.

So we went, separately of course because I was coming from work. We get in there and I know she was just trying to get a feel for him but they spent the better part of 20 minutes chitchatting. She asked him why he thought we were there and it he stated because we don't get along and we fight. She asked him what we fight about and he said the basics: kids, sometimes money, him working too much. He admitted that he can bring his job home and that he is little too controlling on some things the kids do.

It was all very light-hearted. A little too much if you ask me. It's not like I was hoping for screaming and yelling and some kicking of doors, it's just that when I went by myself she seemed like she understood and she was on my side. Thursday it was more like we had only been married a year and had no idea what a marriage was supposed to be. She wants us both to read Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus. Seriously, this is why I have rearranged my schedule and been on pins and needles for months now? The whole session was a joke. We go back again in two weeks. My issues are not that I don't think my husband understands me, my issue is that he treats me like crap, yells all the time and seems to be in a permanently bad mood. I tried to say that but every time I did they both looked at me like I was a whiny, petulant child. At least my mom understands me.

Heather and the horrible, no good, very bad day!

This is how I felt by the end of the day yesterday

I meant to post this yesterday but it just didn't happen. Yesterday was a disaster. I woke up late because baby boy is teething and we were up quite a bit through the night. I called work to tell them I should only be a half hour late. My big boy decided he would try and play the sick card, but after going to the bathroom and eating some cereal he decided he was OK. Then big boys decides that he doesn't like the jeans I picked out for him so he will just throw a fit and stomps out of the bathroom and inadvertently shuts his little brothers hand in the door. Now I have two crying kids, big boy is crying because he hurt his brother and didn't mean to and now baby boy is obviously crying because of the pain. Still keeping it together, I manage to get everyone dressed and ready to go when I smelled the dreaded smell of a poopy diaper *Side note* I will never be on of those mothers who drops her kid off at daycare with a poopy diaper* So I get the diaper changed and get the kids in the car and drop baby boy off at the sitters and take big boy to school. He is more than 10 minutes late so I have to walk him in and sign him in at the office. Done, check. Head to work and of course if you live anywhere near the Midwest you know that our weather has been abysmal. I look down and my gas gauge and of course its on E. I haven't driven my car since Saturday so I kind of forgot I needed gas. Soooo, I pull into my usual gas station type place and try and swipe my card in the machine and its stuck. My debit card is stuck in the machine! I take off my gloves and pull it out and it's so flippin cold out that you cant even read the numbers on the screen- so I go in and just have them run my card for $20.00 so I can get this over with.

I slide into work missing accidents and dumb jackasses all the way. I end up being and hour and 10 minutes late to work. It didn't get much better than that. Work dragged, it was colder than before outside, Baby boy was cranky and cried all night till he finally fell asleep, and then being the dork that I sometimes am, I pulled my calf muscle trying to be suave jumping over the bottom step in the basement.

No more days like Tuesday!

What have you been doing all day?

The toy tornado never comes to a rest!



It's the age old question. Husbands go off to work then come home and wonder what their wives could possibly be doing all day. This is especially true if the house isn't clean, dinner not on the table, etc. Well guess what? I WORK ALL DAY. Monday through Friday I work outside of the home and then every evening I do some housework but the majority of it waits until Saturday and sometimes Sunday if I am feeling particularly lazy.

Over the summer I had a week off so you know I had ALL week to just keep the house up! I took some pictures of the going-ons that happen when I am at home with the kids.

Guess what we do? We watch cartoons, and we play and I clean and cook breakfast and I clean some more and I pick up toys and I clean and then I make lunch and do dishes and do some laundry and we watch cartoons and play, and I do some more laundry and I cook and I clean and play with my kids.

If I am lucky I get to do something I like, like sew or scrapbook or,, get ready- watch something on my TV that doesn't involve singing animals or talking sponges.

But I wouldn't trade it for anything because we have fun and if I don't get everything done, guess what? There is always tomorrow!

Shiny Happy People

So I re-read all my blogs and just realized how miserable I sound. And kind of whiny. I am not like that at all. I don't post things so I can get a big poor me from everyone and I really haven't but I didn't want anyone to think I am on the verge of a breakdown. I really am a happy person. I have beautiful children and wonderful friends and a very close-knit family. Right now I just happen to be going through one of those difficult times in my life and need to figure it out. So thank you for anyone who has been concerned about me and left me messages on my Myspace for Facebook but I will be OK. You know what they say "That that doesn't kill me will only make me stronger."

A Slipping Down Life

I watched this movie once, I don't really remember all the specifics, but Lilli Taylor played this woman who was so emotionally fragile that all reality comes crashing down around her. She feels so deeply about another person that she basically obsessed with him. I love Lilli Taylor, she always plays these tragically fragile women and her emotions consume her. Anyway, I thought the title would be a good title for this installment because that is how I feel this week. Slipping down. I have always been extremely emotional and don't worry I am not close to cracking yet but this week has been hard.

I went to my counselling session today and it was actually pretty helpful. She didn't tell me anything I don't already know but it was nice to talk to someone who was completely unbiased. I am going back next week. by myself because the other party in this relationship still refuses. Something needs to happen though, I can't let this continue without making some kind of decision. My friend told me yesterday to "Shit or get off the pot". She was actually talking about something else but it still applies to this situation.

It basically all comes down to this, I just want to be happy. Not such a tall order one would think but happiness isn't always something that you just have. I just want to be happy and have happy children and live my life. I don't want to get sucked down into this abyss of emotions and be miserable and wake up 40 years later a bitter old woman. Right now I feel like that is where I am heading. I am so angry right now, angry at my husband and angry at myself for letting things get this way. They say it takes two to tango but it also takes two to destroy a marriage. She asked me today if I wanted to stay married or get divorced and right now at this very minute I want out. Not because it's hard, not because things aren't going my way but because I feel I deserve to be happy.

If happiness means being alone with my kids then so be it. I would rather be alone than be miserable.

It's been a Freaky Friday, Black Cat, Friday the 13th kind of week

Saturday night I had this dream. Part of my dream was that I was trying to go to my appointment but I forgot where it was and who I was even supposed to meet and I never went. Well Tuesday was my first meeting with a counselor and my directions and her phone number had been in my purse on Sunday. Tuesday morning I went to get my directions and they were gone. Simply disappeared, never to be heard from again. I had a slight suspicion of where they went, but I thought I knew where I was going. WRONG! I got to where I thought her office was and nope not there. My friend worked in that office building so I popped in and somehow we found her name in the phone book. It was right around the corner. By now I was ten minutes late and when I pulled in she was gone. I left her a message and we were going to meet today. She called this morning and she was sick, so I had to rearrange my schedule again at work and we are on for tomorrow. I am starting to feel like I am not supposed to be going, but I know that I have to.

Also the last couple days I have been feeling very anxious. More nervous like I feel something coming on, something about to happen. Today was super bad. I was in La La land all day and kept having some weird Deja Vu but couldn't quite put my finger on it. Could be the high dose of caffeine I subjected myself to today. Or, I could be finally losing all grip on reality. Hopefully it's the former not the latter.

One is the loneliest number.....

So tomorrow I am going to Marriage Counseling. Not with my husband but by myself. He refuses to go even though I have asked him to go numerous times and believe this is the only way I can go on, but still he will not concede. So I am taking advantage of my employers assistance program and I get five free sessions with a family counselor. The funny thing is that when I called to talk to her about making and appointment, she asked me what kind of counseling I needed and I kind of paused and said "Marriage Counseling for one person", she laughed and said she does alot of that.

That makes me feel slightly better. I hope I can keep it together though because it's in the middle of the day and I have to go back to work. Wish me luck!

100 Things you may or may not know

I have seen this on other blogs, so I think I will play along. I am feeling rather introspective so should be interesting:

1. My middle name is Kaye. It's also my mother's middle name and if I were ever to have a daughter that would be her middle name.

2. I am the oldest of three girls, I love my sisters dearly though sometimes we nearly killed each other growing up.

3. My parents are the best, they have been married almost 38 years and still hold hands, I wish I could have a marriage like theirs.

4. That being said, I have been married for 11 years, and it's a very tumultuous time right now, part of me is already gone but how do you walk away after nearly 15 years with someone?

5. I have two beautiful boys, seven and almost seventeen months. They are wonderful, and I would never change anything about them.

6. I went from Kindergarten to Eleventh Grade to the same school, then my senior year we finally merged with the big bad city school, at first I didn't want to go but it was one of the best experiences I have ever had.

7. I went from a potential graduating class of maybe 85 to about 400, it was an eye-opening experience to say the least, but I met some of my closest friends there.

8. School was hell sometimes because I was always taller than everyone and I had coke-bottle glasses till ninth grade. My self-esteem was crushed at an early age and sometimes don't think I have recovered.

9. I secretly hope all the girls who were mean to me in school are all fat and ugly now, childish I know but that is how I feel.

10. I worked at Cedar Point the summer of 1993. To say that was fun would be an understatement. I did things that would give my mother a stroke today.

11. I only had two serious boyfriends in my life. By serious I mean dated more than a few months. I had lots of dates, and two- week relationships but never saw the need to have one steady boyfriend.

12. I am still friends with lots of the people I was friends with in school, we are all spread out but keep in touch through Facebook and Myspace.

13. My first job was at Gordy's Twirl Top when I was fifteen. I had babysat since I was twelve but this was my first real job.

14. I worked there every summer till I was nineteen.

15. I have also bartended, worked at a tanning salon, worked retail, worked at a newspaper, jewelery store, and waitressed and been a hostess at a restaurant.

16. I have worked at the same bank for 11 years. It's a good job so I can't really complain.

17. I wanted to be a writer growing up. I wrote for my school newspaper and was on yearbook and even had one paper published in college, but nothing so far. I have all these great story lines and ideas in my head but haven't quite figured out how to put pen to paper.

18. I also would love to be in the medical field. I thought about nursing school, but I would really like to do more forensic work. I guess my dream would be to go work with Dr. G

19. I love to read. That is an understatement. I adore reading, if the book is especially intriguing, I cannot put it down. I also cheat a little, I sometimes will flip about four chapters ahead and read a sentence or two. I don't know why.

20. Right now I am reading the Twilight series and I am hooked.

21. My favorite author right now is Jodi Picoult. She is a master storyteller and I encourage one and all to read her books.

22. I also love music. All kinds. The only thing I cannot stomach is Rap. Hip-Hop is OK but no Rap.

23. When I say I love music, it's a little more than love. I could not live without music. It's always playing somewhere in my house. To me music is like Poetry (which I do not read ) and depending on the mood I am in music can keep me from falling apart or going crazy.

24. I have never been out of the continental US. Sad but true. The only time I have been out of the US is to go to Windsor, woo-hoo.

25. I have never been further east than Ohio, but I have been out West.

26. I had an imaginary friend when I was two. It was Jabber jaws from the Pink Panther cartoons. My mom told me I used to make her set a plate for him.

27. I hope my boys have some of my wild imagination.

28. I am left-handed and only have three other relatives that I know of that share my Southpaw.

29. I like sports. I know crazy huh? But my dad is a sports fanatic and with three girls it had to rub off on one of us. I still watch Baseball and Football and Basketball, and even some Golf just because it's familiar to me.

30. I met one of my boyfriends by going to a baseball game with my dad. He was a bullpen catcher for the team we were watching and he was adorable. The place they were playing at was building a new stadium and one night we snuck into the new stadium and made out on the pitchers mound!

31. I tallied it up one day and I think I have kissed about 54 guys. That is kissed! Nothing further.

32. The best was the guy at number 30, I can still feel the butterflies and the worst was this guy named Don who was one of the hottest guys I had ever met- it was terrible, he was all tongue, like kissing a dog!

33. I have a tattoo on my hip of the sun. I got it when I was nineteen and I want another one.

34. My dad has no idea that I have a tattoo.

35. I love Black Cherry Ice cream, Mint chocolate chip runs a close second.

36. My favorite think to drink is Diet Coke, if I don't have one every day I get very cranky.

37. I have a very very very good memory, I swear I can remember my great-grandma and I was 2 1/2 when she died.

38. I have a very large extended family. I literally know all of my 1st, 2ND and 3rd cousins, and my great-aunts and uncles!

39. Family is very important to me. I put my family above all else and we are very close. It's not unusual to drop what we are doing if someone is ill or needs help. That includes extended family!

40. Once when my Grandma was in the hospital there were about 45 people taking up both waiting rooms and spilling into the hallway.

41. My best memories growing up are the ones I spent at my Grandma and Grandpa Powell's. No TV usually just some old time country music playing and sitting at their dining room table with my grandparents and aunts and uncles just listening to everyone talk.

42. I loved spending time with my Grandma and Grandpa Pennington too but they lived in Florida part of the year and then in sixth grade the moved there permanently.

43. Every spring break we would trek to Florida to see my grandparents, always driving. We never stopped to see anything because my dad always wanted to get there!

44. I think this is how I developed my love of old people. My grandparents first just lived in then managed the senior citizen trailer park and I would go along with my grandma to visit people. It was fascinating to me to hear all their stories about growing up and it also made me sad to think they sometimes had no one to visit them.

45. I am very emotional most of the time. I always have been.

46. I sometimes cry at the drop of a hat, my dad would just have to raise his voice growing up and I would fall apart. not that he was mean, but that is just me.

47. I am very bad at hiding my thoughts, I would love to see my own face sometimes because I know I have no poker face!

48. Anything can make me cry, movies, commercials, music, emails! I get this from my mom and we have all sat in the living room and boo-hooed over a TV show.

49. My father is one of the kindest people I know. I cannot even tell you how much I look up to him and hope my boys can be just like him when they grow up.

50. My mother is wonderful. She is very loving and she has always been a good friend and role model. She taught us girls to be strong, sometimes too strong.

51. I miss my Grandma Powell so much. She died nine years ago and it breaks my heart to know that she didn't get to see my kids.

52. I miss my Grandma and Granpa Pennington too, they have been gone for awhile and I can still hear their voices and smell the Redman Tobacco my grandpa used to chew.

53. I worry about things way too much. I wouldn't say that I am a nervous person but when something is on my mind I tend to obsess.

54. I have an overactive imagination which doesn't help when I obsess.

55. My mind never stops, I could never meditate or do yoga and really concentrate because I cannot slow my mind down enough.

56. I remember my dreams every night. They are always very involved and vivid. I can will myself to dream about people or things sometime.

57. I believe in God but I have lots of questions. I also deeply believe in Angels and think that everyone has their own guardian angel.

58. I also believe in ghosts and sometimes vampires and other monsters.

59. I believe in miracles and things that cannot be explained.

60. I love ketchup but hate tomatoes.

61. I never liked cantaloupe until I had my first child.

62. I love food but sometimes it doesn't love me.

63. I had my tonsils out when I was 8, then I had my appendix out when I was 28 and my gall bladder out when I was 31. I had a child removed last year.

64. I hope I don't have to have anything more taken out anytime soon!

65. I think I have a good sense of humour and I like people around me to have one too.

66. I am extremely sarcastic, I have no idea why.

67. I like to talk , alot, but I like to listen too.

68. I am very intrigued by other peoples lives, how they grew up, what their family was like.

69. I get distracted and off task easy but I think its just part of being a busy mom and having to multi-task.

70. I hate it if I think someone I care about is mad at me or upset with me about something.

71. I want to be somewhere warm, its about 10 degrees outside right now and I wish I was in Hawaii.

72. I love to fly, not on my broom but on an airplane. I have flown about 5 times and its been dicey but I love it.

73. My sister Erin and I went to Las Vegas by ourselves a few years ago. neither of us had been and we only had a couple days but it was a blast. I really want to go back.

74. One of my favorite places to go was Seattle. My best friend Angie lives near there and it's just an incredible place to be. I have been obsessed with Seattle since the birth of Grunge!

75. My dream vacation is to take a month and go to England, Ireland and Scotland.

76. I am Irish but also English and German on my mom's side.

77. My Great grandma on my dads side was part Cherokee Indian and I got none of that, I am as pale as they come and burn easily.

78. I have only had four vehicles in my life. An AMC eagle that was a nightmare, a Ford Mustang which I loved, a Chevy Cavalier that was a good little car, and a Pontiac Montana that is I currently drive and is an OK car but was not put together right electronically.

79. I like to think of myself as creative.

80. I love to scrapbook and make cards.

81. I recently learned how to quilt and am obsessed. I love Fabric, I visit Joanne's and Hobby Lobby just to look at fabric.

82. I can't do anything straight to save my life, even with a ruler.

83. My Grandma Pennington taught me how to cross-stitch but could never teach me to crochet or knit. I wish I knew how.

84. I am a night owl. Growing up I would stay up as late as possible and loved to sleep in. I still do but kids make that impossible.

85. I like things my way. The one bone of contention in my household is that I want to make all the decisions about my kids.

86. I have an obsession with lipgloss, and chapstick and lip balm. I have tons of it and always want to buy more.

87. My favorite smells are Lilac, Baby Powder, Pumpkin and anything that smells like the outdoors.

88. I spend too much money, I have really tried to reel it in lately because it can get out of control really easy.

89. I try and never buy anything unless it's on sale. Coupons are my friend, I hyperventilate if I forget them when I grocery shop.

90. I have an incredibly huge crush on a guy at work. I know that is so inappropriate but I can't help myself. It's been like two years now, and its not getting any better. I am pretty sure he is clueless but enough other people know so maybe not.

91. He seems like the kindest, sweetest person I have met in a long time. A genuinely decent person. That me be part of the issue considering my situation right now. He isn't married either and that still doesnt make it right.

92. I am very punctual, mostly early though I have my moments.

93. I am very intrigued and interested in history. American History , World History, Art History. I sometimes think I could have lived 100 years ago but then I look at my toothbrush and running water and come back to reality.

94. I hate reality TV, it's gotten completely out of hand and hokey and long for the days of the sitcom.

95. I do however love shows like Jon and Kate, because they are more realistic.

96. Part of me thinks no one will ever read any of this but who cares? I do, but at least I am trying this.

97. I do not feel 35, nor do I act 35, I dont really think I look it most days except when I get no sleep which is alot of the time.

98. I have a huge self-esteem issue- I can honestly say that most days I don't like any physical thing about myself at all. My parents always told me how beautiful I was but I have never ever felt that way.

99. That said every once in awhile I catch a glance of myself in the mirror or in a window and think she is kind of pretty.

100. I think I am a good person, I really try and want to be a better person so I can be as good of an example for my kids as my parents were for me>

HI-DEF Resolution

Happy New Year! It's three days into 2009 and I think I should come up with some resolutions. I have never been big on resolutions, only because I think resolutions can come at any time of the year. I usually try and change something or try something new anytime during the year, but because 2008 basically sucked I think I will try and start this year anew, with goals that I can work towards and possibly achieve. Also I think that if someone out there actually reads this and knows what I am doing I will stick with it better.

#1 Lose Weight-- What's new, I always am trying to lose weight, but right now I am so disgusted with myself that I have to do something. I resolve to eat better, try and get some sort of exercise and be healthier. It's not that I eat too much, I just either don't eat at all then eat crap, or just don't get enough healthy stuff during the day. With the addition of the Wii I am hoping to also find the Wii fit to get my butt moving!

#2 Be Happier-- So this one is going to be a little harder, it's not that I am unhappy, I have beautiful children, a good job, blah blah blah, but most of the time I am truly not happy. I smile and I laugh and I am not going to throw myself in front of a bus, but something needs to change. I have an idea of how to be happier but we will keep that for a later post.

#3 Find inner Peace-- Ok so kinds of sounds like number two right? Well this one is a little different. I need to find balance in my life, my inner peace and happiness. This may come in the form of going back to church. It's been a REALLY long time since I attended Church regularly and I think I need to get back into the swing of it. I know some of you laugh at this because I am probably one of the least people you would think would be into that, but I find myself more balanced when I go to church. Not sure where to go though, I was raised Baptist, most of my friends are Catholic and I know enough about Catholics to know you don't just show up and start going. I think you have to pass a test or something! See- this is why I don't go to church, I am too much of a smartass! Anyways.

So three little things that I think will help me, because let me tell ya brothers and sisters, I need some help.

So until next time, keep your feet on the ground and keep reaching for the sky, I am Casey Kasem, wait no that's not me, so Buh- Bye